by Luke Ray
Greetings furry comrades. It’s been a while between ‘updates’, but let’s face it, there’s been bugger-all cricket either. But in typical fashion, us Wombats have kept ourselves out of trou…er…busy on these long, ridiculously-hot-and-wet days, to say the least. Plenty of fodder for a social committee report…now where do I start…?
The social side of season 2006 got off to a start with the Chiang Mai sixes. This year was our second year, and I won’t go into gory details (that’s what van trips are for) suffice to say that the TWCC is making quite a name for itself over there: on the field, off the field, in the pub, and, in my case anyway, in the toilet (I lost so much fluid I thought I was gonna disappear). Next year is the 20th anniversary which will be HUGE. Be there or be a fairy. Fundraisers to send a team are already in the pipeline…stay tuned…
Speaking of wombats abroad, a highly successful cricket-pilgrimage was made to Kobe, the first domestic tour in marsupial history. And while the nightlife didn’t quite match that of CM, (but what nightlife can? And for that matter, do I really wanna go there?) invaluable research was conducted on just how shockingly severe a hangover has to be before the will to play cricket takes a shit and dies. In fact our honorable captain was heard to say that alcohol consumption among the Wombats may, in fact, just be verging on the excessive. When questioned on the reasoning behind such a preposterous comment, he replied ‘I was just pissed at the time…pass me a beer’. And with that he disappeared in to the “cockforest” (don’t ask me, I wasn’t there!). Nevertheless, cricket was played, and strong ties were forged between the TWCC and the Kobe boys. More such tours seem to be a certainty.
Next on the social calendar (or my dodgy recollection of it) was the annual quiz night and raffle. A full house bared witness as the fortuitously-named “Winners”, led by the biggest winner of them all, claimed first prize… again! Thanks to all those who prostituted themselves in front of friends, family, colleagues etc. to raise funds. The Kitty is looking quite healthy as a result. I would tell you how healthy, but then I’d have to kill you…
This season has seen several new Wombats snuggle into the warm fuzzy pouch that is the TWCC. Some notables include Mark Ainslie, aka Pup, whose total control when on the field is marvelously complemented by his total lack of control when off it, and Bjorn “The love machine” Pederson, a heavy contender for the most unfortunate nickname award. Ryan France has also showed potential out in the middle, but is yet to be put through the rigorous “Shibuya-Roppongi-back to Shibuya-then to Shinjuku” circuit (and in Zulu’s case then straight to work) …that’s where the true test lies. …One new Wommie who has done the hard yards on our, er, ‘training’ regime is Gerard, who threw himself straight in the deep end in Kobe and seems to be taking it in his stride. I haven’t talked to him since Shibuya the other night though mind you, …he can’t have been as crook as I was the next day tho’
Speaking of which the running of the Golden Thong has been intermittent but nevertheless interesting so far this year (don’t try this at home kids) Throwing random objects (glass bottles, thongs) at moving vehicles definitely rates as ‘stupidus uber alles’ Funnily enough, the thong did more damage than the bottle… should’ve put that in the quiz… it’s all in the wrist so I’m told. Others include getting caught by the short ball in the ‘pong, and getting your short balls out in Fuji, again. But were they glistening this time I wonder?
Coming up this season (as per the Calendar below)
ASHES! – As Justin Langer put it, the last one was a blip in the radar. This summer (winter?) is gonna be massive as Australia claim what’s rightfully ours, and the clubhouse will have it on live. Whispers of a collective sickie for the opening day’s play (November 23rd ) so we can all get pissed and swear at the TV will be confirmed later. Just say it’s for religious purposes….
CHARITY MATCH – No doubt you’ve heard of it by now, but there is a charity match to be held By the Tyler Ferris Foundation to raise money for cancer sufferers and their families on October 1st at the YCAC ground. It will be very interesting to see Chris Cairns in action on a ground with a boundary like that. Surely no six and out for him (that was a rule when we played there, honest!)
The powerbrokers in the wombat camp have pulled out all the stops to get behind what will no doubt be a magic event, and, pooling all our resources, so to speak, it looks as though we’ll be sponsoring a portaloo. Smirk if you like, but let’s face it at the end of the day what would you rather, a dumb pavilion or somewhere to shit?
I’m getting sick of typing, and you must be getting sick of reading. Besides, a really hot lady just came on the TV, so the rest will be in point form
AFL Grand Final – usually action at the clubby on this day of days for footy fans, past years have seen champagne breakfasts, liquid lunches and dogs’ dinners… – details to be announced.
Melbourne Cup – Nov. 7th A Wombats sweep perhaps? My money’s on the horse Smoker’s backing …cos he’s “got blokes on it.”
Presentation Night (date tba – early/mid november) I know we all said the quiz night was the biggest night of the year, but we lied… simply unmissable! Everyone goes home a winner, except those who already are……
CM fundraiser Night (tbc) Including lots of fun things to do involving alcohol… say no more.
I think that about wraps it up, no doubt Curly will send out an email containing all the important stuff I missed.
Oh yeah, and if we’re really lucky we might have a few more games of cricket up our sleeves… that’d be nice…. See yaz at training!
|SEPTEMBER 30TH — THE AFL GRAND FINAL
|Details to be confirmed but no doubt it’ll be a huge day at The Clubhouse.
|TYLER FERRIS CHARITY MATCH – OCTOBER 1ST
|No doubt you’ve heard of it by now, but there is a charity match to be held By the Tyler Ferris Foundation to raise money for cancer sufferers and their families on October 1st at the YCAC ground. http://www.tylershineon.org/index.php/events/sports_extravaganza
|NOVEMBER 7TH — THE MELBOURNE CUP
|Whatever you do, don’t get stuck in a Mumbai internet cafe like I did in ’04 – GET INTO THE CLUBHOUSE!! Make an excuse, slip out of the office and saddle up to the bar. TAB online, sweeps, bet on two flies walking up a wall. Just get in!
|NOVEMBER ??? — THE PRESENTATION NIGHT
|Back at The Clubhouse again. I know we all said the quiz night was the biggest night of the year, but we lied… simply unmissable! Everyone goes home a winner, except those who already are……
|NOVEMBER 23 — THE ASHES BEGINS
|As Justin Langer put it, the last one was a blip in the radar. This summer (winter?) is gonna be massive as Australia claim what’s rightfully ours, and the clubhouse will have it on live. Whispers of a collective sickie for the opening day’s play (November 23rd ) so we can all get pissed and swear at the TV will be confirmed later. Just say it’s for religious purposes….
|NOVEMBER 26TH — JAPAN CUP, FUCHU RACECOURSE
|Burkey, Shax, and Smoker will be leading the pack of punters to Japan’s premiere race. C’mon Aussies, let’s show these Tokyo-ites about a day at the races. Wombats and Goannas will be out in number, and will have the best possie in the house. Will it be as big as last year???
|TBC — CHIANG MAI FUNDRAISER NIGHT
|Including lots of fun things to do involving alcohol… say no more.
|JAN/FEB TBA — WOMBATS AGM
|Seems like we have just packed the whites away and yet it times to begin the 2007 season. Important business to be done, so please make it down. Chance of a shandy or two after the business is done.
|APR ?? – ??, 2007 — THAILAND’S CHIANG MAI SIXES
|Tokyo Wombats’ third overseas tour, to the world’s premier sixes tournament. A great laugh, great cricket. If you can’t join us, keep an eye and ear on the web for match broadcsts.