Once upon a time, a young boy named Daniel got a job as a translator in a big city called Tokyo. His mother and father were proud, and shed a tear as he flew away to a foreign land. The people play baseball in Tokyo, but young Daniel found a cricket team, the Indian Engineers. Very wisely, they suggested Daniel contact the Tokyo Wombats, a rival club of Aussies. Indeed, Daniel was a handy batsman, and could even keep wickets when the regular ‘keeper was suspended. Later, Daniel revealed he liked ‘a few quiet ales’, as many of the Wombats do. He fitted in well, but some suspected there was more to this young lad from Brisbane.
One day in Shizuoka, as the Wombats went through their pre-game rituals, a ball landed in the tall grass. Daniel picked up a long pole, and headed into the grass, thrusting his pole like a spear, like something out of National Geographic. Someone remarked, “Hey, what are you? Some kind of f**king ZULU!?!”
On the drive back to Tokyo, the Wombats were enjoying a few quiet ales. Zulu, as he came to be known, had QUITE a few quiet ales. He suggested, “If you dont stop this f**king bus, I’m going piss right here!” The poor driver had no choice, and pulled over to the side of the very, very busy expressway. BUT, before the van had stopped, Zulu flung open the door!! “PARACHUTE!!” he screamed, and leapt spread-eagled from the moving vehicle into the grass at the side of the highway.
“Oh my f**kng God”
“I f**king told you about him!”
The Wombats were in SHOCK!!
AMAZINGLY, Zulu was unhurt. Walking back to the van full of VERY LARGE GAIJIN, Zulu found a VERY LARGE THONG!! Failing to connect the two, Zulu aimed the thong high, high into the grass…….”ZULU!! Don’t even think about it!! ZULU! DON’T ZULU……..oh you d**khead….” Big Richard, owner of the thong, pleaded. It was too late. His plea fell on deaf ears, and the thong flew away. Despite Zulu’s best efforts – made difficult because everyone was trying to “get him back in the f***king van before we get arrested!!!” – the thong was never seen again…… The other thong, no use to poor Richard, became The Golden Thong, the trophy awarded to the Wombat who does the stupidest thing of the year.
There were some worthy attempts:
The Amazing Jumping Stump and Stop That Train.
Bar DropKick: The Strangulation.
Who could forget The Fire Extinguisher?
But no, there could only be one winner: ZULU!!