Wommies Dismantle Alpha, Gate-crash BBQ, and Spew in Van to End JCL Season on High

by Ken Oiwa

With 117 to win after a great day in the field, already on 116, Richie hits a good solid grounder down to cover, from Alpha Quasher’s Thaka’s bowl to give the Wombats as comfortable win in a league no while.  Great way to end the season before the Wombats head into hibernation for the winter.

The day started with an earlier start, at 7am instead of 730am at Shibuya with Alex P, AJ, Luke, Ken, Dean, Richie gathering on time with Jamie driving. Richie couldn’t drive as he forgot to renew his driving license and so it has expired. He needs to go to one of the driving test centers during the weekday with a Juminhyo (proof of residential address from the ward office) and wait around for a while.  The usual long journey was incredibly smooth, with Jamie’s newly issued driving license which made Ken remark “Jamie is a better driver than Koolhof, as Koolhof is more of an Asian driver”. There was hardly any traffic on the road and we arrived at the Fuji 1 ground in good time. The only blemish was we had to go to a supermarket instead of 7-11 as the combini ran out of water due to the record hot weather in August in Japan.

As always Jarrard “Dino” Shearer with his niece Ashley, set up the ground and there was a special presentation of an engraved plaque to him from the club for his incredible 100 caps for the Wombats.  Big congrats to the founding member. Everyone associated with the club past and present are very appreciative of the tireless effort that Jarrad has put in on and off the field to make the Wombats the club we all love today. Also special mention to Naren who has departed for Sweden this year and we have a good drinks gathering in “Brew La La Bar” in Shinbashi a couple of weeks before this game. As an ex wombat, you are always part of the family and wish you all the very best in your next adventure in Europe.

We were joined at the Fuji ground with two bearded guys who drove from Hakuba (an eight hour round trip) – Dan Mee and Grant McGarva. They run a lodge and ski rental place up there.  Yusry Mohideen and Feroz also joined us from Fujisawa in his spanking new black Merc.  The warm up was characterized by Ken who still cannot catch a high ball to save his life with a high practice ball hitting his chest rather than his hands and causing a bruise.  It better not affect his Ironman in Korea next week.  The toss was won by the Wombats who elected to field first –absolute correct decision as we definitely had the best of the weather fielding as it rained and the wind blew stronger as we were batting.

The opening bowling spell was done by AJ and Feroz.  Yusry’s friend Feroz kept the bowling really tight with the pacey offside balls.  Just as it looked like AQ were getting into their stride with Jayakumar and Kanungo having a good opening spell with a few fours (and the wombats spirits were beginning to dip a little with a missed “could have been a great” catch from Jamie over the head at point), AJ delivered a nice bouncer which was hastily swung by Jayakumar. Just as if it looked like the ball was going for a four, Feroz caught a beauty on the boundary. He made it look so easy. Following that, Feroz was the hero again as he delivered a quick offside slider which was clipped by Kanungo and nicely caught in the safe gloves of Patmore, the skip.

After a near miss from Grant who may have caught a fast coming ball at cover.  Then Yusry was back in his first game of the season. He lost none of the touch which caused Richie to say “come on Mr 140!” with Yusry replying “Oh my god – I was hoping not to hear that today.” He managed to get two wickets one a slip catch caught by Dean.  The ball was fairly routine but Dean made hard work of it by juggling a couple of times and hitting pretty much every part of the body. A catch is a catch as they say! Yusry got another wicket – an LBW.

We had another two bowling powerhouses this inning, coming from Dan Mee and Luke Eyes.  Dan looked pretty cool with his “dark sunglasses and no hat” style while he was bowling.  Firstly, just as if it looked like Rohit Kumar was getting into his stride, Dan managed to get him out with an LBW.  Then he pretty much killed any prospect of a middle order batting streak from AQ by bowling out Pedada and Perumalsamy in quick succession.  When Perumalsamy was bowled out, what made Ken incredibly proud was he picked up the ball and threw it to the umpire after the wicket and applying the rules correctly.  One of the umpire looked pretty cool with his flat baseball type hat and dark sunglasses.

There was an injury to Prasaath from a bouncer bowled by Dan.  The ball caught Prasaath in the chin which caused a cut and a bleed.  There was a sporting moment from Patmore who asked Prasaath if he was alright straight away without any delay. Prassath called an ambulance and had to wait in the ambulance for half an hour – waiting for the “emergency” hospital to come out of the lunchbreak, as ridiculous as it sounds. Ken being the only token Japanese at the time had to translate the few basic words in the ambulance.  In the end Prasaath managed to get patched up and looked okay.

The game was finished off with a “bowl and catching” combination from Luke and Richie.  At the crease were a few young guys that AQ wanted to give a game as they have already qualified for the JCL semi-final.  The first catch, Richie at slip, was caught (pardon the pun) slightly off guard and had to adjust his hands from chest level to knee level.  The second was textbook style – Chaturvedi clipped the ball off Luke’s bowling and ended up right in the middle of Richie’s hands. AQ were all out for 116 off 25 overs.  We never let them build any good partnerships and great day in the field for the wombats.

After lunch, the target was 117 to win for the wombats.  We can see the dark clouds coming from west and didn’t want to hang around for too long.  The opening spell was done with Patmore and Jacob.  Ken was the scorer for the day having read the rules. Watching from the side, there was a bit of a wobble in the opening over with uncharacteristic blocks but AJ and Patmore got into their usual strides.  Patmore managed to get five 4s before being caught hitting a high ball off Singh’s bowling by Dhaka.  Patmore’s SR was 82 which showed that he wanted to get this over and done with before the rain.  AJ looked really solid hitting 23 runs including three 4s but he had to be carried off the field with cramp in his legs.

Richie was the star of the bat for the day, making 40 not out.  This included two 6s which went deep into the Fuji bushes past the nets.  On one occasion, Richie was proud of one of his 6s which made him pose for a bit.  This prompted Patmore to shout “get on with it before the rain!”.  Also Yuz shouted “try and hit the balls down cover so we don’t lose so many!”.  Clue to JC Committee – we need nets installed at Fuji!  There were three fours as well from Richie.  Pity we weren’t chasing a higher score as Richie could have probably got a half century.  Richie was also very disciplined with his blocks today, taking out the overs from their best bolwers, Singh and Dhaka and waiting for a change to hit from people like Rohit and Jayakumar.

Grant M managed 5 runs from 17 balls but were caught by Sing.  Jamie made a mark with a 1, but was made out by an LBW.  Dean made 6 runs and not out, which included a four.  There was a funny incident when Richie hit a high one to Dhaka but he wanted to “show off” catching one handed and messed up and dropped the ball! So as mentioned at the beginning, we managed to win the game with 117 with 14 overs and 7 wickets spare.  AQ also gave away 19 extras (18 wides and 1 leg bye) in the windy rainy conditions which helped the Wombats cause.

Man of the match went to Dan Mee for his 3 wicket bowling spell and also for their efforts driving all the way down from Hakuba.  Hopefully we will see you guys in the winter.  Wombats chugged a few beers at the ground (with a great beer placement from Luke in the middle of our circle) and ended up at the rooftop beer garden at the Fuji Green Hotel.  We ordered a two hour nomihodai course for 2400 yen which your correspondent – Ken managed to drink far too many lemon sours and high balls.  On the van back, sat on the back seat he Vomited all over the seat and onto Dean’s cap.  The whole team had to clear this up which added a fair amount of effort to the van journey.  He really should have vomited outside the van as he was looking worse for wear already. Instead, he passed out in the back the while the team drove up to Dino’s barbecue, snuck up on his party SAS-style, did the song, hung around for a drink and a chat, did the song again. Yours truly had no idea that happened.

All in all a great way to end the season with some fantastic bowling and catching.  Great to have Yus back in the side and onto the quiz and presentation nights in Autumn.

Catches

• Patmore took a straight-forward keeper catch off the outside edge of a Quashers opener from a great delivery by debutant fast bowler, Foroz. “That was like a regular cricket dismissal!” exclaimed a bemused and slightly surprised Patmore.
• Richie’s two catches at slip
• Dean’s juggling effort at slip
• Feroz’s nice high one at the boundary. Made it look so easy

Dropped Catches

• Jamie Payne – A tough chance jumping high and to his left at Point, got his left paw to it which saved a boundary. Would have been a stunner.
• Grant’s one at middle off, was coming at pace above his head

Quotes

• Ken at the Beer Garden: “I actually prefer lads to girls…. I mean, their company.” Ken stumbles with his explanation that he prefers a bit of banter over beers with the lads rather than the company of the opposite sex
• Patmore after Foroz’s opening over: “I can’t wait to tell Nigel that he’s not the fastest bowler anymore.”
• “I AM FIREBOY!!!’ – Dan shouts out after taking his 3rd wicket with a slower ball off cutter.
• “Come on mr 140!” – Richie to Yuz during his bowling spell. “oh my god I was hoping not to hear that today!” Yuz’s response back
• “Is it bad to piss off the balcony?” asks Ken at the beer garden after downing several chuhais in rapid succession.
• “Beta Quashers” remarks a Wombat post-match.
• “I’ve got a small dick but Grant’s got a giant hammer” – Dan Mee responding to the famous song
• “Jamie’s a better driver than Koolhof, Koolhof’s more of an Asian driver” – utters Ken
• “I kinda wished guys in front of me got out so I can have a go at batting”- Dan Mee
• “Stop posing after your big 6 Richie so we can get this over and done with before the rain comes in” – Patmore to Richie
• “I’ll take Duckworth-Lewis every day than risk a Wombats collapse” – Patmore with rain around the corner to Dan who wanted to go for glory
• “Can see these guys scrambling for the pads on the sidelines” – Patmore after quick succession of wickets from AQ
• “Are you sure you don’t want to wear a helmet?” – Pat to one of the batsman after Dan caused a big bounce resulting in a chin cut

Great Moments in Sport

• No one was more impressed with Dan Mee’s third wicket than Dan Mee. Seeing his change-up slow ball totally deceive a Quashers batsman and clean bowl him, he leapt in the air and yelled “Oh yeah, I am FIREBOY.”
• After collapsing at the non-striker end with chronic leg cramps, AJ was so badly afflicted that he had to be carried off. Sadly, there was no stretcher at the Fuji International Cricket Stadium, so it was left to Patmore and Yusry to bear a leg each and carry AJ off the field like it was an Indian wedding (see the photo on the feed!).
• Patmore to opposition Prasaath, immediately after being hit in the face from a ball – “are you all right mate?” True act of sportsmanship and what makes this game such a great gentleman’s sports.
• Thanks to Dan Mee’s prolific pace and a poor choice of hat by an AQ batsman, an Ambulance made its way to Fuji 1 (perhaps for the first time in history???). Ken inexplicably also went in to the Ambulance to assess the situation.
• The Wommies sneaking in and ambushing a family bbq at the new Shearer residence after the Beer Garden, to steal a few beers, sing the song with Dino and to take a look at the Wommies Museum Dino’s so proud of.
• Feroz’ opening spell – very tight
• No Wombats collapse

Dummy Spits

• An agitated Jamie Payne, driving the team van and looking for parking in Fuji. Team: “3-point turn mate, now!” Jamie: “What, here? Ok ok. Ah shit, there’s someone behind me now, which way, ah f*ck… Shut up lads! Just person say the directions ok!?, … ah I can’t…[more expletives followed]”
• The opposition player trying to go for the glory catch one handed and dropping.

Golden Thong Nominations

• For a man who did not bat nor bowl, Ken was in excellent form on Saturday. Kicking things off at the Beer Garden where, after reveling in the victory and relishing a few beers with the Wommies, some questionable yarns were spilt by Cryptic Kenny, leaving many Wombats scratching their heads as to whether they had just witnessed a Wombat coming out of his closet (largely unassisted). Upon getting on the road, Kenny swiftly fell asleep, though awoke suddenly not long after to unload his lunch, dinner and breakfast all over Dean’s hat and most of the back seat. After a 30 minute clean up stop, 5 bottles of vending machine water, two packs of body wipes, a bag of chips, a can of Lynx Africa, and a few anxious rollickings from our driver, Jamie, it was back to beddy-byes for Ken who didn’t seem to mind the smell one bit. Meanwhile, the rest of the Wombats kept their noses camped close to open windows (making the driver even more anxious that another clean up would be required). Awake and unphased upon re-entering Tokyo, Ken proved he’s built for endurance, hitting a second wind and looking to keep the party going. However, having sat in a vomit-fumed van for 3 hours, most of the Wommies had lost their appetites for more beers, leaving Ken no choice but to brush off the dry vomit off his shorts, pick up his Mama-chari and bike home.