Wombats sQuashed by Alpha Q

by Evan Hitchman

In the final regular game of the T20 season, the Wombats were about to play their first! A combination of abandoned games due to Covid, and forfeits due to not having enough players led us to be bottom of the table and the strange fact of playing our 1st game, in the 4th and final game.

Although we couldn’t make the top 2 and finals ourselves, we could play the role as spoilers – and nothing inspires Wombats like playing out of spite! haha

We cobbled together an 11 of past, present and future Wombat legends including Jamie “Weekend at Bernies” Payne for this first game this decade, and a couple of debutants in Hamilton “Nickname Pending” Dias, and Muhammad “Fozzy Bear” Fozan.

Adam “I hit Brett Lee for Four Once” Birss had also already put his hand up for Clubman of the Year with his citing of the opposition Alpha Captain, Gurman for slow over rate in the previous game which saw the fixture stopped mid-game, and the skipper banned for one match – being this one! Solid work Adam, much appreciated! But would having the always tricky Gurman out of the line up be enough for the Wommies to spring an upset?

The day started ominously for the Wombats with all players arriving on time, 30 minutes before the start. Not a good sign, and very unusual for us! We won the toss and went into the field with Muhammad “GOAT” Ali, and Saichandrakanth “Chandu” Mudunuru opening up the bowling. They bowled tight lines and had some early wickets with Ali getting an edge to Alex “I love Japanese Cricket” Patmore, and Chandu bowling the other opener to have the Quashers in all sorts early on at 16/2.

Skipper for the day Evan “Sure, I can bowl…” Hitchman and Satish “Jesse the Cook” Alapati came on first change, with Satish looking very solid, hard to get away and only going for 4 runs an over before pulling up sadly with a side strain. Ev, on the other hand had a different plan, never giving the batsmen the same look each delivery. One half way down the pitch, one full toss near the head, another way down leg side – they didn’t know what was coming! In a bizarre first over he went for 6, 4, 2, 1 then wicket! Improving every ball! Next over he almost had a wicket despite getting smashed for a big one near the boundary, with Ken taking a good catch, but falling over the boundary, for a 6! With Ev taking himself out of the attack, possibly forever! (Beathy was right all those years ago!) it was time for Ken “Don’t even think about calling for a drink of water on my watch” Dobson and Fozzy coming onto bowl.

They both had good spells, with Fozzy bowling some great deliveries and being on the end of some lucky hopeful swings. Ken at the other end had the ball on a string, something the authorities will possibly look into post-match! In a great spell he took 2/25 which could’ve been more if not for Fozzy (not the first and won’t be the last!) deciding not to listen to Richie’s loud and clear call in the deep, colliding and costing Ken a certain wicket. Fozzy himself took a few wickets too and Aaron “Captain America” Pokluda chipping in with a great runout in the field.

Alpha finished their innings with a daunting 186 runs, but we’d give it our best shot! (that best shot of course, would not involve good technique or shot selection though!

We opened up with Richie “I promise not to hit it over the nets again” Bracefield and Ken. They were looking pretty good after the first couple of overs, 17/0 off 3 and suddenly minds drifted to thoughts of a possible against all odds, surprise, epic, heroic win! Of course being the Wombats we found unique ways to go off script, and we fell quickly from 17/0 to 26/7! Yes losing 7 wickets for 9 runs – not a bad effort!

Richie was bowled, and was quickly followed by debutant Ham who was also bowled and probably shouldn’t have listened to Ev’s advice of “don’t bother trying to block!”. He didn’t get a golden duck though!

Editor’s Note:
* Word of warning to all current and future Wombats – never listen to any advice if it’s coming from Ev – especially if it involves horses!

Aaron caught the bowled bug, and had his stumps cleaned up, also surviving a golden duck though. It was all good though, as our cunning captain had put bulwarks into the middle order in the shape of Patmore and Ali to steady the ship just in case we did have a collapse – no doubt it would stop right there.

6 balls later of course both were gone, Satish following shortly after for a duck. Ken at the other end, if he could get on strike and stop losing partners, decided to take things into his own hands, and unleashed some big sixes and fours. Around him though it was chaos, Chandu, Jamie with a welcome back golden duck and Fozzy all going cheaply and quickly leaving Ken to carry his bat throughout the innings for a well compiled 27 not out, with the rest of the side combining altogether for a measly total of 19, and extras holding its own with 4.

On the positive side, it was an early finish and the skipper wouldn’t need to worry about being suspended for slow over rate or the game finishing late, and nobody hit it over the net – so no suspensions! Also, we were able to get done early and head down to Yamashita Park for a few socially distanced beers and finish the day on a positive note.

Best of all, was seeing Ken “Lazarus” Oiwa alive and well, and well…..alive! Robocop lives!

Catches

• Richie, at long on – called early and took a nice one
• Fozan running from Mid Off, nice grab

Dropped Catches

• Richie – but this is Fozan’s drop! bumped into each other when someone didn’t follow the call!

Quotes

• “whatever you do, don’t bowl short” – Ev – before bowling everything short and getting carted for multiple 6s!
• “Cricket is so shit” – Jamie after his first game in 2 years! He did actually enjoy it, just not straight after his golden duck.
• “I think Changdu has taken their bat and pads.” – Ev
• Aaron – poor bugger not the first to suffer from cricket terminology overload!
• “Was I correct in pitching to those sticks guys?” and “I think I put on my shields the wrong way!) – AP talking about chemical explosions and terrorists, then turning to a bewildered Satish and Chandu saying – “you guys know what I mean!” haha

Great Moments in Sport

• Ken carrying his bat!
• Ken O being alive!
• Aaron’s direct hit runout…. “Was I correct in pitching to those sticks guys?”
• Jamie making first game out in 2-3 years, a bit rusty as the normally consistent fielder let a loose shot thru under his body for a four towards the playground…
• Jamie’s jinx! After explaining to Hamilton how Patmore’s a bit of a classical cricketer and likes to keep the ball down when he hits and is great to watch, two balls later he gets caught at cover!

Dummy Spits

• Ken – someone took his bottle of Aquarius, and post match he squared up furiously to the Alpha Q guys demanding who took his drink!! Came back still fuming – “It’s fine, they’ll buy me a new one!”

Golden Thong Nominations

• Ev, for bowling himself
• Wombats – losing by 136 runs!!!