WOMBATS OVERCOME GALLANT MAX

by Bjorn Pederson

After successive washouts to start the season, the Tokyo Wombats travelled down to Fuji enthusiastic and hopeful of finally being able to get a game of cricket in for premiership points. However, spirits were soon dampened when spots of rain began to fall on the bus windscreen as we entered the high country. Fortunately, the weather gods quickly changed their minds, as the rain dispersed to leave us with a fine, yet overcast, day.

And although it may sound that the trip down was full of trepidation, there were many highlights produced worthy of mention in the match report. While Shaxxy and Bj consoled each other about the loss the Crows “had to have”, Pup regaled us with the latest chapter in the saga that is his love life. The quote that “Japanese women are like Cherry Ripes” left many confused, and I will leave it up to the reader to draw their own conclusions.

It wasn’t long into the ride that Curly had to jump on the brakes to avoid rear ending a car infront, sending Reggie, sitting in the gimp seat without a seatbelt, sailing, elbow up, towards the glass cheekbone of Zulu, who was sitting on the floor. Much whinging and ice application was done by Zulu, but no permanent damage occurred. The most memorable moment of the ride however was far and away Dino’s battle with IBS….never before have I seen a grown man complain so much about needing to do a shit.

While all of us thought it was pretty funny, I’m sure it was no laughing matter for Dino. Fortunately for all of us, Curly managed to find a toliet, and Dino could have “the most satisfying shit [he] has ever had!”

And when we finally arrived at Fuji, the tales of toilet high-jinks did not end. Whiskas somehow managed to get bitten on the arse by an angry wasp as he (Whiskas that is, not the wasp) was taking a dump in the bushes….God knows what he was asking the wasp to do, but obviously it was not up for it! The morale of these stories boys….Shower, Shit and Shave before you get on the bus.

But now getting onto the whole point of the day…the wonderful game of cricket. Burkey, in his position as captain for the day in the absence of Chuck, lost the toss but to our surprise we were sent in by the MAX captain. The debutants Bjorn and Ryan were sent in to see the shine off the new ball, a job made difficult both by decent swing bowling by the MAX openers, on a pitch that offered some assistance to them, and by some very scratchy batting. Ryan found the going too tough and was bowled for 5, bringing the ginger Whiskas to the crease.

With his bitten buttock still causing him grief, Whiskas wasn’t in the mood for much running, so some powerful hitting quickly saw the score race above 50, before Whiskas was caught in the slips for 20 odd, having enjoyed a 52 run partnership with the Run Machine.

At 2/85 at drinks, the Wombats were in a good position to launch an attack in the final 20 overs. However, wickets then fell at regular intervals (losing 4/10 at one stage just after drinks), and it appeared that a score of 200 was going to be a challenge to set. Things were not helped by the umpire, Anton, having a Voice Activated Finger to LBW appeals, firing both Dino and Pup (for a golden duck) in somewhat dubious decisions. As long as he is consistent, we thought…hmmmm.

Things didn’t start to improve till the experienced duo of captain Burke [had he been shielding himself from the new ball? ;)] and bus driver Curly joined one another at the crease, as they set about rebuilding the innings. With both finesse, good running between the wickets, and some power hitting, especially by Curly, the pair posted a partnership of 52 also, in a display which showed the Wombats back in the shed what batting is all about.

When Burkey fell for a stylish 28 and Curly for a swashbuckling 34, some respectability has been restored to the scorecard. The tale didn’t wag for long, with the score ending at 174 from 38 overs (what would Richie Benaud be saying, not batting out the 40 overs).

Interestingly, wides were our second highest scorer, with 30. Not as many runs as we were expecting, but we thought more than enough to take care of MAX.

After an impassioned tea speech by Burkey, in which the words, “Let’s show these guys why we are the best team in Japan” were uttered, we took to the field. In the absence of Gezza, Curly and Pup were given new ball duties, and both bowled well with good lines and swing.

To say the MAX batters had any idea of how to face them would be an overstatement, so it was no surprise to see the score at 3/fuckall after only a handfull of overs. The Japanese were either solid in defence, or swinging like a dunny door at a curry party (or should that be at Dino’s house?) to some of the looser balls, all with minimal success. To be frank, I had seen better bats in a dark cave.

Anyway, with some good catching by Reggie, and tight bowling from the rest of the Wombats, MAX were dismissed for 51 just after drinks.

Highlights included the Shaxxinator’s 4 wickets, 3 thanks to stumpings by Dino, Reggie’s 3 and Curly’s 2. With the win firmly in the bag, thoughts then turned to the usual post game regimen….beer.

A special thanks to MAX who put in an excellent bowling and fielding effort. And thanks for not only putting out the boundary ropes but bringing them in after the game.

After the presentation of MOM to Curly, the boys made it their mission to get through the slab of Yebisu, a task that was never going to be difficult, given the humidity of the day. Perhaps some of the boys had a few too many (having been refuelled by a beer stop at the conbeni and a food stop at Maccas)…especially Killer, who needed to take a piss every half an hour on the bus on the way home. However, I’m sure many of the other boys were happy to take the opportunity too.

It was at one of these toilet stops that Zulu, who had found the sole of an old shoe earlier in the day at Fuji, decided to hurl the said sole (actually, it was his thong!) at the group of pissing Wombats. His throw was somewhat wayward, instead smashing into the side view mirror of the minibus, the rest of the boys being alerted to this by the sound of smashing glass. I’ve heard some say that Zulu couldn’t hit the side of a barn from 10 paces with a handful of wheat, but didn’t he f****** nail that mirror!!

Anyway, after probably the slowest return trip in history (due to every second car wanting to stop at the Ebina services for ramen resulting in a 2 hour traffic jam on the Tomei), the boys returned to Harajuku safe and sound, with the 4 points securely tucked away. The next game is not for 5 weeks, and is against our nemesis team Millenium, which shapes as the game to decide who will make the finals. See you at training!