WOMBATS MIGHT WINS KYTE FIGHT

by Ian Gason

The last two Wombats-Kytes clashes were like chalk and cheese. 6 months ago when these two teams met, Wombats were given a humiliating flogging in miserable wet and muddy conditions. This time, we were blessed with beautiful autumn skies and a dry outfield, and made the most of a perfect cricketing day to serve up a cold dish of revenge, and book a place in the Pacific Cup final.

At 6:45 there are not a lot of blokes you can call on as a late replacement, but as Reggie was down with a fever, I figured that young Josh Kelly would be waking his old man Killer up anyway…..45 minutes later Killer was at Harajuku ready to rockNroll. Axe was having a roll of his own, having got in touch with a heavenly body and received some spiritual instruction, and would be rocking down on the shink. No sooner than we had all prayed for safe deliverance, than our sweet chariot swang low, coming forth to carry us home.

The good lord provided us a traffic free Tomei, and Chuck was still saying his 135th Hail Mary when we alighted at the Abekawa, kissing the grass and thanking Him for not bloody raining on us this time. A few of our newer Wombats were introduced to a Flix pitch and the fun of pegging one out. Axe was soon amongst us, Chuck was soon tossing and Kytes were soon batting.

The openers were a mix of young and not quite so young, but the combination didn’t really work, as niether Robert nor Matt caused much trouble for bowlers Pup and Shax. Robert did trouble the umpire, Larry, by sticking his pad in between ball and stumps. Larry feared the wrath of Robert was worse than 11 Wombats and let the old man stay. Pup clean bowled Matt and next over Killer held a simple catch to remove Robert off Shaxx.

Joel survived a confident caught behind inquiry, and after that brief scare set about making merry. Sharpie might have done likewise if not for Shaxxx’s own ball of the century, which cut back a foot to castle him. Ash joined Joel and increased the work rate. Soon flashbacks of deja vu were coming back to the Wombats all over again. It took the terrible two a while to get comfortable against Shaxxxie’s spin, but then they helped themslevs to 27 of his last 2 overs.

Axe from the One Tree End suffered a series of upper cuts which Ash dispatched to the boundary. Was the mind willing, but the flesh weak? A few strays down leg got pounced upon by Pants and put paid upon, a properly punished pair of sixes. A major eruption burst forth behind the stumps, the human teapot fouling the air with the ‘F’ word, and directing his crustational commentary not at the bowler but the batsmen!Right on drinks we got the break through. Ash tickled one of Killer’s around leg and a suicidal single ended an 82 run partnership as Pants perished to a direct hit.

After a quick drink and pep talk, Wombats grabbed the initiative and engineered a match winning collapse. The last 7 Kytes wickets fell for just 35. Ash was seeing ’em pretty well by now, and would have loved to have had some support, but his search for a partner was like Quasimodo prowling at Lexington Queen: there were no takers.

Killer snared two more caught behinds. Mr Pornographic was prematurely ejeculated after sending one right down Shaxxxie’s throat. Ponytail Stewart went the heroic heave-ho and young Pup did well to hold on to a badly judged mile-high chance.Ash (52) eventually fell to our religious student (Taliban Mann?) Axe Mann when Whiskas held a good catch running down the distinctive Abekawa hill at deep cover. Bunny showed he isn’t really, when he pushed the ball around, picking up 8 runs. But when Chuck had a trundle, Bunny played bunny and tried to belt him back to Bangladesh, and the innings was over. All out 154.

Sandwiches scoffed, Wombats too opted for a young and old combo, Jarrad and Pup. They won a huge pshy..phsyh.. they won a huge mental battle in the very first over, when Matty Sharpe – a man who can match our Dino in a Dummy Spit At 10 Paces- was plundered to the tune of 15 runs. A Dinosaur edge that got grassed was a chance our Grumpy One wasn’t going to let go.

There was a wee controversy and exchange of pleasantaries when Pup snicked one to Ash, who thought he had a catch, but the umpire Neil ruled that he had a handful a grass. A few over later, Pup launched 6 #1 so far it had Kim Il Jong feeling some serious penis envy. He lofted Sharpie over mid-wicket, over the road, over the cars, over and out. Another 6 would follow, 5 in one historic over.

After a shaky 12 run start, Matt Ryan started with a single in his second, probably the most expensive single he has ever bowled: Pup took 37 more off the over. (1,6,6,NB4,w,0,NB6,6,6) One six was an outrageous piece of timing, a short arm jab over the long mid wicket/dunny corner boundary. A couple were hooked or pulled or driven or …. I don’t remember! There were 5 of ’em, gimme a break. I remember runnning along way through the river bed to fetch one pulled six, but wasn’t that off another over?

Alas, the lad perished on 67 as Sharpie got his pay-back, knocking down his castle. But at 1/116 in 13 overs, the banjos were duelling and the fat lady was warming up. Whiskas started with three effortless 4s, one tapped to mid wicket with all the agression of Mother Teresa on methadone. Jarrad fell on 51, caught on a drive. The Wombats very own pad model, Dave O’, came out with five needed to win, and looked cool calm and collected, but really fucked up when he gave Whiskas the strike. His fellow Kiwi then latched onto a Robert delivery and sent into way over the ropes to wrap up the game, in the 18th over.

A bit of footy, and a lot of lazing about on the grass followed. Our late inclusion, Killer took the Hardys Man of the Match for his match winning 3fa. Ash’s fifty got him a taste of the good stuff too. Pup took home the Best Play award for one, some or all of his sixes.

Next week, back to J1C action, when we meet Embassy in the semi at Fuji. Pacific Cup Final v Indians is slated for Sat November 11.