Wombats Fall Short Against Falcons

by Joe Lewis

After the damp squib that was Round 1, the Wommies got their 2026 campaign underway with a gritty contest against last season’s dominant force, the Falcons.

The weather was glorious, and the hibernation away from the game meant that many of the short-term-memory-deficient Wombats had forgotten they hated cricket. Ten of the 11 men arrived well before match time, set up the ground, and underwent a proper warm-up*. In fact, the only thing the Wombats had misplaced was 11th man Hamza, who stated he would be arriving at around 9:50–10:00, promptly sending a screenshot of his train route which would only arrive at Fuji at 10:05???

On the other hand, the Falcons had misplaced their entire squad, with the nettled umpires grumbling the old “why I oughta… inflict penalty points, complain to the JCA, etc.” A scratch on gravel 10 minutes before match time, and nine team members bundled out of the car. A quick apology for tardiness on account of traffic — I guess the Wombats must’ve floated to the ground — a quick welcome to new Wombat debutant Rahul, and we were underway! Hamza arrived too, with a similar apology, having accidentally got on one of those time-stamped trains that regular people get.

The game started, and it was soon apparent that both sides were a bit rusty, with bowlers bowling several wides — or no-balls, in Archit’s case — and batsmen swinging and missing. In search of bowlers, the Wombats looked within and found that Tanzeem and Max can actually fire in a cricket ball at a good pace. Their initial overs were pretty tasty and earned the respect of the batsmen, but as the overs progressed, they lost their initial rhythm and the extras started to pile up. Kavin was ever reliable, while Joe was off his line and length, which made his dibbly-dobblers the chosen target for the Falcon batters — specifically skipper Kuldeep Bisht and Manish, who gleefully smashed a couple of sixes and fours to get their score going.

However, the Falcons were also struggling. With only nine players eligible to bat, they were at a disadvantage and kept losing wickets at regular intervals. Manish Kapil and Bisht were the key wickets of the innings. Manish fell for Joe’s strategy of bowling deliveries begging to be smashed, holing out to Tanzeem for 36 off 33. Kuldeep fell in a similar manner after facing a mammoth Max over. Lulled by six wides almost on the trot, Kuldeep couldn’t take it anymore and went for a semi-hittable delivery, only to sky it, where a sheepish Max took the catch. Kuldeep recently scored 170-odd at a strike rate near 200, so getting him for 28 off 16 was a big scalp for the Wombats.

The rest of the Falcons struggled to reach double figures. Tanzeem and Archit took a well-deserved wicket apiece, both caught behind by wicketkeeper-skipper Ali. Kavin got his wicket when the batsman holed out to Ieuan Hames. When Kuldeep fell, the Falcons were 112-5. The next partnership was proving a little harder to dislodge, and extras were mounting up. To mix it up, Rahul — who hadn’t bowled in five years — and Hamza — who hadn’t arrived on time ever — came on and soon mopped up the tail, taking the best innings figures of 2/5 and 1/1 respectively, leaving the Falcons all out for 134/9.

To win, the Wombats surely only needed to bat through the allotted overs. Masaki was moved down from his regular opening position to support a traditionally frail lower middle order, the idea being that, should the Falcons get some new-ball joy, there would be a solid batter to marshal the rest to the target.

Ali and Hamza took guard to see out the powerplay. Ali saw the first five deliveries off without issue. Hamza took guard and… smacked his first ball straight to mid-on! Hamza, an aggressive player with some excellent shots, played his natural game and it didn’t pay off. He was replaced by Max, who was now facing a Falcon squad with their tails up.

Those tails became fully erect when the key wicket, Ali, fell for 10, as a faster delivery bounced on him and saw him edge through to the keeper, leaving the Falcons ecstatic. The Wombats would now need to play with cool heads to whittle down the total.

Unfortunately, Guy Dormer felt inspired by Hamza’s carefree attitude and got out in the exact same manner on the fourth ball he faced. Max, not to be outdone, ran himself out with a suicide run whose strategy hinged on assuming the fielder wouldn’t be able to hit the stumps. Tanzeem was trying to be defensive-minded but put his bat out and edged behind.

Ace-up-the-sleeve Masaki was instructed to stick around by the skipper as he walked out with the Wombats at 15-5. This proved a hex, as he was bowled by what batting partner Kavin described as the ball of the match. Wombats 16-6, with only that frail lower order to come, and all recognised batters sat touching grass as the scorers struggled to keep up because they needed to pad up.

From here, the game was gone, and a record-low Wombats score looked likely. However, Kavin and Ieuan were not going to lie down. Both tried to stick around and showed a bit of fight, as the Falcon bowlers started to show their rusty side. By the time Ieuan was bowled by a good delivery — just after hitting a glorious six, which is typical of Ieuan’s batting so far — the pair had tripled the team score to 47-7.

Archit took it to another level, giving quality support to Kavin as they started to tick off runs. Where Ieuan and Kavin had transitioned the innings from hopeless to defiant, Kavin and Archit made the transition from defiant to hopeful belief. Both were batting brilliantly, particularly Kavin, who was not only looking secure at the crease but batting really maturely and intelligently, going for the win.

When Archit was eventually bowled for 8 off 24, Kavin would later criticise his manner of dismissal — a bit harsh on the No. 9, Kav? Especially with what the rest of us did!!!

Debutant Rahul, who had not batted in five years, unfortunately wasn’t able to defy the rust on this occasion, departing very soon after and leaving Kavin with Joe and, er, Ali, who walked Joe to the crease to tell Kavin that Joe was going to be there until the end and not to worry about him. Joe didn’t say anything; he just looked at his shoes.

Kavin carried on playing his natural game, his natural game being to whack a six and cry to the heavens that he had played a shit shot, or stroke a four and grumble because he was trying to maintain the strike. Joe was just happy to still be there and exercise his favourite stroke: the leave, followed by staring at his shoes during the convos in the middle.

The Falcons had already made the transition from annoyed to concerned, but with the Wombats establishing their biggest partnership yet, they definitely graduated into outright worried. They showed this by attempting a Mankad on a 6ft 2in Kavin with a background in jiu-jitsu — a sign of desperation if ever there was one.

However, despite batting a glorious maiden 50 in such a pressure situation, the target was just too far for Kavin to chase solo, and he fell in exactly the same way as the skipper, giving the Falcons a deserved 20-run win.

Joe finally lost interest in his shoes and felt quite chirpy, finishing not out after the Wombat tail showed that, in Division 2, it is possible to anchor down, with numbers 7–11 adding exactly 100 runs to the Wombat total. Kavin showed a side of himself blossoming as a cricketer with 55 off 87.

Hopefully, the batters can show us how it’s really done in Round 3!

Roll on the next one.

See you at the field, Wommies!

*Warm-up = for the previous generation Wombats, this is when you stretch your muscles and work up a sweat so you are more match-ready and less prone to injury.

Coming soon…