Birssball Beats Mikitaniball

by Alex Patmore

A steamy Sano River Ground 1A awaited the Japan Cup boys for the top of the (division 2) table clash between the Wombats and paymasters of Adam and Ali, Rakuten. Captain Birss looked to stamp his style all over the contest, henceforth known as Birssball, and took the alpha move of deciding to call the other side of the coin to the one that landed face up. In the field first up. One short at the start as Sanira’s train was badly delayed, the worst ground in Japan to then have to go and make your own way there.

The Wombats were soon questioning the wisdom of the Rakuten skipper to have a stick first, as after the first few overs they looked all at sea against opening bowlers Joe and Kavin. Joe was getting some nice flight and Kavin was bowling with decent pace. Or the other way around. Just like that the powerplay was over, Rakuten had about as many runs as you get Rakuten points for buying a car, Joe bowling his four overs straight through and Kav saving one for the end.

A cornerstone of Birssball is giving youngsters a chance, and Arron and Sachchit alternated from one end, displaying their T20 bowling skills, going through the full repertoire of slower balls, bouncers and yorkers that left the Rakuten batters in all sorts. Louis had come on at the other end to balance out all the youthfulness, but his leggies were quickly up to speed and it looked like a nice walk in the park for Birssball with a low total on the cards.

However at the ten over mark, the message must have gotten out to the Rakuten batters, likely by two of their batters who had voluntarily retired themselves out, to get a move on. Some lucky edges but also some lusty blows did mean that they managed to get up to a just-below-par score of 115 from their 20 overs, the extremely slow outfield probably putting an extra 15-20 runs on top of that. Kav the pick of the bowlers with 4 overs, 1 wicket, a maiden for just 9 runs.

Nige and Tanzeem were sent out to open the batting, Nige in particular looking aggressive and positive first up, backing away a few times and freeing his arms to time the ball nicely past the fielders, even if the extremely slow outfield stopped a few certain boundaries and the batters had to settle for a couple of runs each time. The scoreboard was also helpfully kept ticking over by several extras from Rakuten, their accuracy about as reliable as a Rakuten Mobile signal whenever there’s a hill within ten miles.

The Wommies never seriously fell behind the run rate, despite the departure of Tanzeem, debutant Alok and Sanira, capping off his unfortunate day with a first baller after arriving around the 10th over of the first innings (when it’s not your day it’s not your day!) Patmore joined Nige to see off the hattrick ball, taking it through to drinks with about a run a ball needed for the rest of the way in. Nige started to see stars a bit in the Sano swamplands, and after he departed Louis came in and kept the score ticking over with a big six (we’ve all got big six!) over cow corner. Sachchit and Kav also came and went quickly, Kav’s Japan Cup batting record now at Audi levels. With some more erratic bowling, and a few big hits from Patmore, finishing on 40 from 30, the target was in the end reached comfortably with 9 balls to spare.

The Wombats march on in the Japan Cup, a resounding statement win for the first instalment of Birssball, and the prospect of going deep in the comp becomes more and more likely.