U.N. WOMBATS CONDEMN FAULTY ENGINEERING

by Ian Gason

A multi-national force of Wombats had an encouraging win in a warm-up run Saturday in Shizuoka. On the strength of another Burke-Shearer 100 partnership, Wombats knocked up 189 in 35 overs, and then dismissed the Indians for 150.

Smokin Pete wins the unofficial Man Of The Match award for generously providing The Clubhouse’ Chariot for the big day. Appalling long-weekend traffic delayed our arrival by over an hour, and The Indians by even more, so the game didn’t get under way til after mid-day. That allowed some pre-game classic catches practise, and for at least one Wombat, who (c’mon, admit it) took some blinders, it was all down hill from there….

Dinosaur and Papa went in to face Biju and Rahul. They were lucky not to be out early, both let off by a ‘keeper suffering an attack of the Patels. Given a life, they went on to make merry, untroubled by the new ball combo. Steve was the first to retire (50) after two towering sixes off one Sanjeeb 20 run over from the One Tree End. Steve’s last 38 runs whizzed by in a 14 ball flurry. The Jarrad-Jarod partnership ended after drinks, Dino retiring with a towering single to bring up his 49. Who says scorers don’t have a sense of humour?

Jarod The Jammer stood by helpless while a mini-collapse brought the Indian’s back into things, as new ‘bats Zac ATM, Chris and Mark and went without depleting the scorers’ supply of lead too much. Jammer was looking like batting for a while til an excellent catch at short mid-on saw him depart. Cap’n Jones was bowled around his legs for a rare duck, and the openers’ hard work seemed a distant memory.

Two loaners, Matsuhisa of Milleniium and Ian of Ichihara steadied the innings with scores of 17 and 19 respectively taking us towards a challenging score. My brief innings served to remind that there are 3 calls when running. As any schoolboy can tell you, they are: “Yes!” “No!” and “You’re f**king joking!?!?”. I apologise to my fellow Wombats for wasting such a prime opportunity for a truly memorable Dummy Spit.

The Indians’ pusuit of 190 for victory began well with a 12 run opening over from Matsubara, but hit a speed bump in the second, when yours truly got one through the gate, 1/13. Despite a couple of chances, half-chances, ooohs and aaahs, the 2nd wicket took the Indians to 51 (16 overs). Ichi Ian removed the dangerous Sriram and Rahul, and finished with 2-21. He might well have bagged several more if Dinosaur behind the stumps hadn’t suffered a case of the Patels. After 3 or so chances went by him, he thrice bellowed out the ‘F’ word to register his 2nd DS for the day.

Mark sent down a tidy 4 overs for 8 runs, bowling Sanjeeb in the process. Saida (Millenium) went wicketless, but won the best Catch In Sunglasses Award. Good luck in Bahrain, mate. Zac ATM’s figures don’t seem to be in the book, but it is on record that after a spell of exploratory offerings outside the pitch, he was commentating on his bowling as he ran in to bowl! Jarrad got his first look at Jarod and was unimpressed until he was told to pretend he was bowling to his short Kiwi mate Reggie. Ditching the brown cardigan, he bowled one bloke, before offering Far North Queenslands’s version of “The Ball Of The Century”. Bending the back he sent down a slower ball-bouncer. It found the fending batsman’s glove and sleeping slip Steve had time to get his hands out his pockets and pick the wax out of his ear before wrapping his hands around the pill.

Kiwi Chris lulled the batsmen into a false sense of security, by looking like some idiot that couldn’t even get the ball on the pitch. Twice. His first over went: wide, wide, bowled, dot, bowled, 4, 1. (5 balls?!) 3 balls later (inc a no ball…) Chris snared the last wicket, caught by Jones, and the Indians were all out smack bang on 150.

Journeying back to Tokyo was delayed by some dubious directions from Zac ATM and a cross-cultural mis-understanding involving a recalcitrant petrol pump attendant. The extra time allowed The Jammer to size up the Mythical Seven (Chunky’s chunky beer drinking record) and by the time we crawled into Yamate-dori the burly banana bender’s 8 cans were nowhere to be seen, and we may have to admit he is our new Number One Drinker. Let’s see how he goes with a bottle of NIKKA and no delays though.