MILLENNIUM BISH-WHACKED BY RAMPANT RHINOSAUR

by Ian Gason

Tokyo Wombats enter the business end of the season with a 5 from 5 record after recording another emphatic win, this time over nemesis Millennium. Much like the season in general, the game began with a stumble and finished with a flourish, with Ryan and Bish taking centre stage.

With one eye possibly on a permanent gig, stand-in skip, Steven Burke dragged the Wommies out of their “Roll ’em & chase” comfort zone and opted to bat. (Hope he doesn’t try any Buchanan boot camps next…)

The opening combo of Burkenshearer scratched around like a pair of chooks, under some dot-laced pressure bowling, managing just 12 scoring shots in the first 10 overs. After 5 overs apiece, Alex and Razzaq had nonefa 18 and 8 respectively, and respectably.

A change of bowler saw a change of tempo as runs began to flow. Unfortunately it also saw a change of batsmen as the skip (15) dragged a wide one back onto his woodwork. Enter Bish, the first left hand bat in the club’s history. Off with a single, followed by a second ball 6, effortlessly flicked off his pads over square. The Bishter took 8 balls to register his first dot, never looking troubled. Jarrad ditched the chook suit and joined in the merriment, whacking a few boundaries of his own. (One theory was that he’d heard about the Bish/Morty incident and was doing anything he could do to avoid running.)

At drinks Mr Bedi confessed a peculiar kind of homesickness. “It’s boring out there. No-one’s calling me a curry-muncher or anything.” Wombats self-sledging didn’t help however, as Bish was gone on 24 in the 1st over after drinks, flicking one to square leg.

Mark Ainslie whipped out his Kahuna but was quickly prematurely ejectulated from proceedings, via a late call for a homicidal run from Jarrad that defies explanation. Japanese are known for U-beaut gadgets, anime porn and high standards of fielding, and J-veteran Alex Miyaji duly hit from side on, stranding Pup 100 runs short of his maiden century.

When debutant Ross fell getting a leading edge, we’d lost 3/15 in 6 overs, and Bish was deeply engrossed in the latest Harry Potter book. In the middle it was Millennium’s Munir doing the magic, Wombats under a spell. Slapping David Davies half-tracker pies is one thing, but how would happy-go-lucky Rhino handle an old pro like Munir?

As fellow Queenslander Joh would have said, “Don’t you worry about that!”. The Rhinocerus handled Munir with care and consideration, leaving most, grabbing the odd single, and later the odd boundary. With 127 on the board, The Dinosaur (54) was caught going down-town in the 33rd. With a motley assortment of wannabes to come, the question was how much is enough. Me and rhino added 16 in even time, and I must confess I was particularly fond of my slog-slap off Munir for 6. I made way for Reggie and the predicted fireworks finally arrived. The pair added a brisk 40 in 4 overs. Could Rhino be a Bev? (Has he ever stuffed his pads and bat down a toilet I wonder?) After almost an hour at the crease, the Rhino was hurting, but he forced his more glamourous partner to run hard. Having paced the Wombats for 10 overs, he enlivened proceedings with a superb display of back foot batting. He carved up Japan’s opening bowler, Alex Miyaji’s last 2 overs for 31 runs, including 3 4s in a row.

Run-out #2 is up on google video already (Rhino’s run out). Reggie ran 1. Rhino (39) attempted a 2nd, and was sent back, running almost 3 lengths of the pitch. Only 2 balls remained so the damage was minimal. Axe chopped out his first ball for 4, then single to take the Wombats to a defendable 188. Despite being cellar dwellers, Millennium could still leap-frog Ichihara by getting the mysterious Bonus Point. Someone seemed to know the BP rules, and rumour was the magic number was 32 overs.

My first over was reminiscent of years gone past, when an un-named wicket keeper (and slips) would routinely drop a catch off my first over. But it was not Jarrad this time, it was Axe fluffing the hershelle, with Millennium 1.

In one of the more bizarre starts to an innings, Millennium raced to 35 in 4 overs, 16 of those from Pup’s first over, while my 2 overs produced 4 dropped catches. The ever reliable Steven Burke was Tuffnell-esque at mid-on, dropping a dead-set dolly. (Don’t try to edit this Burkey!). Munir skied a slow ball towards Killer at mid-off, where it eventually swirled its way to the ground. Matsuhisa got his 3rd life slashing a wide one towards Reggie at point.

Fortunately Munir (25 from 16) was in no mood to slow down (or learn his lesson it would seem) and skied the same slow ball to Killer again. The man from Manly looked like he was suffering the bed-spins, but somehow, defying most predictions, stuck his paw in the right spot for Hardys U-beaut catch of the day.

Matsuhisa’s luck ran out on 8, LB to Pup. Millennium losing 2 for 1. Fuji and Ohta added 15 before Ohta fell for my “2 slower balls in a row” trick. Killer came on and grabbed Rizzie in his first over, the big beard playing a lazy slash.

Bish was introduced into the attack. Or perhaps was should say, Millennium was introduced to Bish. Fuji coped as best he could, but the Sikh from Elsternwick was too much for the rest. A sharp stumping from Axe on 74 was 5 for the Wommies. Perhaps no-one told Razzaq to forget the Bonus Point. He nonchalantly lofted Bish into the wind, where a waiting Pup made no mistake. Golden Duck, thanks for coming. No hat-trick, but a double-wicket maiden, 2/2.

The boy from Ballarat, Ross Ferris had a forgettable debut, 3 runs and almost becoming the first Wombats’ fatality. Down in cow-corner, the man with the chainsaw snore was feeling queasy, but a little thing like dropping dead won’t scare a Victorian. “She’ll be right. Almost drinks,” he said, handling his diabetics his own way.

Umpires called early drinks. Jarrad called Etsuko for hospital and/or ambulance advice. A bottle of Coke and a pack of chockie-coated raisins did the trick, and the game went on with out him. (He was resting, not dead.)Mikutsu was looking alright til a murderous quick single call. After hitting the stumps, I celebrated with a combination Morty Sprint/Double Lleyton fisty pump that over-shadowed the run out itself.

Only rain could save Millennium now. To his credit, Alex continued to bat with intent (perhaps hoping for a sudden downpour) with two crisp boundaries off the hips. Attempting a third, he top-edged to Axe. Bish penetrated Terayama’s defences for his third 3fa in his third game.

Having entered the fray in the fifth, #3 and regular source of Wombat frustration Tetsuo Fuji finally fell hooking Reggie where Bish ran in from fine leg to take a nice catch. Millennium all out an even 100. Fortunately, Ross was still breathing when we went to check on him, and better yet, was soon self-prescribing the Yebisu.

Hardys best on ground for Millennium went to Alex Miyaji for his sharp fielding and ketchi opening overs. A 50th game 50 couldn’t get Dino amongst the vino, as our Hardys went to Rhino.

With Bish (shink) and Dino (China) not vanning it was a quiet affair back to Tokes, the eski surviving its 3rd game. O-bon cluster-f**k never happened. Killer was his usual educational but slack-bladdered self. Why living in Manly gives you good eye-sight, I still don’t quite understand, and I still have a way to go to fully understanding the dynamics of a tsunami. And if anyone sees a “West Coast Bus” loaded up full of smiling, waving J-chix, please email the Club.

Thanks to Ichihara’s Paul and Bill for top officiation.