2011 Match Reports

WOMBATS KO'D BY SOLID SANO (01/10/2011)
by Alex Koolhof
>>>Match Scorecard vs Sano
>>>Match Photos

The 2011 JCL season came to an end for the Tokyo Wombats on Saturday in Sano as the home team delivered a demoralising semi-final defeat to the four-time division 1 champs. A lack of players had plagued us all year -- and unfortunately, the semi-final was no different. Only 9 blokes, plus a cameo fielding appearance from Wombat veteran Steven Burke, was all we could muster, and so at the end of the day, the Sano team had more firepower to deliver the goods and book their place in the final.

The designated meeting spot of Mejiro station, instead of the usual Harajuku, could, as Jarrad Shearer apprehensively pointed out earlier in the week, prove to be an early morning "curve ball" for some over-enthusiastic rugby world cup supporters. So true were his predictions, as we all waited around for an extra 30 minutes or so for one Alex Howard. After yours truly commented that the missing individual had probably got his railway stations mixed up and gone to Meguro instead of Mejiro, that very prediction also came true when the big South African finally arrived in the back of a taxi, fresh from a lovely slumbering detour to Meguro station.

The Sano #1 ground had seemingly recovered from the ravages of the swollen Watarasegawa River brought about by the typhoon a couple of weeks earlier. Sano C.C. won the toss and decided to bat, with Munir and Naoki Miyaji opening the innings. An early breakthrough was made by Shax, however, as Munir squeezed one out to Rony at point, who performed a text-book "Asian squat" to scoop up the pill before it fell to ground. Captain Beath toiled away at the other end, never giving away too many runs.

Naotsune Miyaji joined his older brother at the crease and the two half-scots pushed the Sano total along to just over 50 in the 13th over before Koolhof lured the younger Miyaji into a full-blooded drive to mid-on, where prime Herschelle Gibbs Award nominee, Bainzy, was waiting. The ball stuck -- N Miyaji out for 18. Daniel Mee, the hard hitting Kiwi of Hakuba, strode out next to face the Wombat music -- and started off quite gingerly with a few tentative prods and pushes, nearly popping up a catch to Rhino at short mid-on.

Some tight bowling from Rony and the Russian for a few overs kept the Wombats in the hunt for another wicket as the players took drinks after 20 overs with the score on 86-2. Following the break, Miyaji and Mee started to get on top and play their shots at the very time the Wombats really needed a wicket to expose the weaker Sano middle order. Boundaries were coming regularly now, especially with only 10 men on the field for the TWCC. Rhino finally got the scalp of Miyaji following a lob down to long-off where Burkey was waiting with open palms. Gav urged his players to keep working hard to try and bowl out the Sano boys for under 160, but unfortunately, D Mee had other ideas and continued to briskly score runs at ease, even though he lost partners Fuji (caught Beath, bowled Baines), Rizwan (caught France bowled Koolhof) and Sugiura (caught Baines, bowled Shackleford) quite cheaply in the ensuing few overs.

The stocky ski-instructor crashed boundaries to all parts of the ground in a fine knock of 108, finally holing out to a well-judged catch on the boundary by Evan. One more wicket fell -- Kano stumped by Dino off Rony's bowling -- and Sano completed their 40 overs with a very competitive 239 runs on the board.

After the break, the Beath/Shearer veteran pair opened the innings for the Wombats. We knew that a brisk start was needed, in addition to lots of runs from these two pillars of the batting lineup. Gav expertly banished the first bowl of the innings from Rizwan to the boundary, and the Wombats on the sidelines felt rather upbeat about the chances of pursuing the target with the captain in good form. Beath continued to target Rizwan, while Shearer offered solid support at the other end. The bad balls were sent to the boundary and the good ones kept out through some solid defence.

A couple of dropped chances by the Sano boys made it feel like it really was the Wombats' day with the bat, and Dino made sure they paid by smacking a huge six over mid-wicket. Ironically though, it was a dropped catch that gave Sano their first breakthrough -- Beathy skied a ball to a man in the in-field and ran the first while the ball was airborne, and then Dino called him through for the second upon seeing the pill spill to the ground, but alas, Beathy was caught short of his ground.

The Wombats new number three, Paul Shackleford, joined the dinosaur in the middle and proceeded to offer support with the occasional single amid a "minefield" of dot-balls. Shearer of course, continued to keep the runs ticking over, but was eventually bowled by a deceiving delivery from the younger Miyaji for 40. TWCC now 68-2 after 16 overs and well-behind the original required run rate of 6 per over.

Rhino intended to improve on his five runs for the year, but could only muster one before nicking one behind off the Sano captain's bowling. By drinks, things were looking desperate, and Rony, armed with instructions to play his natural game (he tells us he's a natural born T20 slogger), swung his bat wildly but only managed to give the keeper another simple catch. Shax departed next, falling victim to the Miyaji family combo, and the Wombats were all but beat.

The "Meguro Express", Alex Howard, strode out to the middle but was quickly sent back by a girl -- clean bowled fourth ball by Captain Miyaji's better half. Hitchman and Koolhof both out for ducks and Baines was left not out with only one run to his name. After a solid start by the openers, it was a pitiful display by the Wombats with five wickets falling for only 12 runs. TWCC all out for 80. Japanese rep Rahul Kano finished with 3 wickets from only two overs.

Well and truly thrashed, the Wombats wished Sano all the best in the final as Gavin presented Daniel Mee with a bottle of Hardys Wine for his wonderful century. Evan Hitchman was judged best on ground for the Wombats, although he scored no runs and bowled no overs. Nevertheless, his energetic fielding and encouraging voice was well deserving of the award.

AFL grand final scores had been kept hush-hush all day so that the boys could rush home to the Shearer residence and watch the bit-torrent download while munching on the ex-prez's famous barbecued lamb and chicken! The Meguro Express -- quickly shortened to "Megs" by his Wombat peers -- lead the combini charge with a 6-pack of Asahi for the very short ride home, and despite the depressing on-field result, the atmosphere in the van remained upbeat as the highlights of the day were recalled.

WYVERNS WALLOP WOMBATS (27/08/2011)
by Andrew Baines
>>>Match Scorecard vs Wyverns

With the Wombats losing the last game to Sano a win over the Wyverns was important to secure a place in the semi-final. This was not the case however.

Confusion started the day. Alex's advice of meeting at the end of the train for an easy change at Kuki meant being far from the stairs and missing the train. After boarding the second train (Dino leaving his shirt on the platform for the Japanese to walk on) the wommies arrived at Sano ground #1. The Wyverns only had 10 players and asked if they could delay the start for the rest of their players to arrive. Our captain Gavin however was not very British and refused this request, and after winning the toss, put the Wyverns into bat.

Things started well for the wommies with opener Yanai departing for a duck off Gavin's bowling. There would be no more female troubles this week as the other opener Yamamoto went not long after for 14 caught in the slips off Alex's bowling. It would be some time until the next scalp although not before the Herschelle Gibbs drop of the year appeared. Wyverns batsmen Chino on 5 attempted a pull shot only to sky the ball which was subsequently dropped by...ummm, yours truly.

After a 51 run stand, Hagihara would play the ball into Ben's juggling hands at mid on to depart for 25 off Andy's spin. A suicidal single would see the end of hard hitting Ogawa, run out by bowler Andy. This would be the last wicket to fall as Chino and Masubuchi would take the Wyverns to 191-5 by the end of the innings. Chino was wyvern's top scorer with a respectable 92.

With the wombat's turn to chase down the competitive total it started badly and only got worse. Dino went for just 5 caught behind off Ogawa, leaving us in trouble straight away (much swearing and shouting followed after by Dino). Following this, 2 quick wickets fell with Nick and Moriaty going for a duck each off Hagihara's bowling. 3-18 turned to 7-32 with a middle order collapse. With the exception of skipper Gavin, the top and middle order made just 7 runs. It appeared that extras would be our top scorer for this innings.

With the wommies in dire trouble the Wyverns decided it prudent to place pie chuckers at each end. Skipper Gavin and Reggie would share a 51 run parterneship before patient Gavin edged to the keeper off Ogawa back into the attack. Gavin was top score in the innings with 32 off 69 deliveries. The 10th wicket followed quickly in what looked like Alex's big chance to bat, but it only lasted 4 deliveries. The wombats were all out for 97, Reggie not out on 29 with 2 sixes.

Reggie was the Wombat's man of the match from a tight spell with the ball and being only one of two players to outscore the extras column.

UNDER STRENGTH AND UNDERWHELMING WOMBATS PUT UNDER THE GUN (13/08/2011)
by Luke Ray
>>>Match Scorecard vs Sano
>>>Match Photos

Here I sit, staring at a blank word document for 10 minutes, pondering the unenviable task of resigning the events of last match to the annals of history. However, for the benefit of all Wommies who weren't there to witness the carnage (Where the bloody hell were you!?), here goes...

My 14 hour pre-match ritual honed to a fine art, I missed the goings on of the train ride out to Sano, catching up on some sleep. Once at the ground it soon became apparent that all 9 of us were in for a long, hot day. One small, straw-clutching blessing was that Sano had a full team but were missing some of their big guns due to Ramadan fasting.

I wonder what the Wommie excuse was?

Batting first with the intention of negating as many overs as possible from the dangerous opening attack, a relaxed (when is he not?) captain G. Beath and a determined P. Shackleford successfully saw off the opening spell. Shackleford, particularly stoic in his dogged protection of the stumps, was perhaps slightly miffed that he wouldn't in fact take the record for the oldest person to play for the wombats, despite celebrating his half century the day before. Beathy on the other hand, revealed the key to his laidback-almost-to-the-point-of-boredom approach to batting, stating moments before kick off that he "doesn't actually like the game all that much, just plays it." Inspirational stuff from the captain there!

After Shackleford departed for 7 after a youthful swipe saw him caught at point, Beath, continued to play a mature innings, though perhaps didn't really hit his stride. This writer quietly wonders whether a little bit of love for the game snuck in and distracted him somehow. Beath caught out on a very respectable 39 after trying to lift the run rate.

K. Hill came to the crease and added 15 off 17 in a pretty decent innings that was only let down by the fact it was about 75% too short.

At 2 for 69, N. Goold, hailing from a different school of cricket psychology than captain Beath, walked out to the crease, quietly stating that he "felt good today. It's gonna be good day I reckon." Goold back in the shed for 1 brought Andrews senior (11) to the crease. Underspoken, (learned from Goold's mistake perhaps?) Richard went on to provide some much needed positive batting together with son Ben (15), who showed good potential that we are sure will not be wasted in Canberra (is there anything else to do?) Next at the crease was Stannard (15 n.o.) whose sheer doggedness just goes to show that you can indeed make your own luck, of which he had his fair share. Ben's departure brought L Ray (2) to the crease and the less said about that the better, suffice to say: wide wide 2 wide wide bowled.

It was right about here, with A Koolhof arriving at the crease, that Goold, who single handedly put on enough mockers to service the Shibuya Starbucks, came out with a gem: "Well, looks like I'm gonna be the lowest scorer with only 1 run...", moments later Koolhof was back in the shed. You can guess his score.

Wombats all out for 123. If I may wring one positive drop from this bloodstone of underachievement, it was that we pretty much saw out our overs despite being two players short.

Our efforts as a team in the field were pretty consistent with our batting performance: certainly no lack of will or effort, just generally...underwhelming. The wickets we desperately needed early didn't come.

Beath had an interesting time of it behind the stumps, copping one on the honker after deciding against the helmet. As if that wasn't enough, batsmen Ahmad had another go at him a few balls later, literally turning around 180 degrees and attempting to swat the ball pretty much straight at the bewildered keeper, drawing a typically understated "Are you crazy?".

Koolhof was as tight with the ball as he is with his cash, drawing the only Wombat wicket of the day, A Miyaji LBW for 42. Stannard showed promise with his shapey little darts, if he can find and fix his radar. Goold had well and truly dug his grave by then. 2 overs 0/16. Though to be fair the man deserves more wickets than he gets. Maybe if he'd just keep his mouth closed...? The spinners were basically taken apart. Ummmm, do I have to go on? Sano got the runs with a day and a half to spare for the loss of one wicket. S. Miyaji made history as the first female to pick up the player of the day award with a well-earned 4-er. Beers in the yakitori place put a softener on a hard day, as did the chu highs on the train back into Tokyo, amid discussions ranging from anatomy to class difference, the ultimate unfairness of life, and bbqs.

WOMBATS OVERPOWER ADORE (23/07/2011)
by Grant Turner
>>>Match Scorecard vs Adore
>>>Match Photos

It was a grey and overcast morning that greeted the Wombats as they assembled for the usual morning rituals at Harajuku for the clash against Adore at Sano. It was a welcome respite from the expected Sano scorcher that we had been preparing for.

Arriving at the ground, a couple of the lads went for a quick pitch inspection – yep, green and plastic was the report filtering back to the stands. We found the covers had been taken off the seating areas, perhaps a move against the typhoon during the week, or a clever pre-game ploy from the Adore boys to ensure that the Wombats could enjoy a long session of sitting in the sun. Sadly the plan backfired as the Wombats made sure to bring a tent for themselves and a pair called Beathy and Dino to open the innings.

And on losing the toss, the Wombat pair strode out to face the menacing Adore onslaught. Dino, perhaps a little cautious against the current competition front runners, paced himself early as Beathy took control and brought up a quick fire 50 while Dino was plodding along on about 5. Another fine innings from Beathy, and his impending century was cut short on 93 when he holed out in the deep chasing yet another piddling delivery to dispatch.

This brought yours truly out to the crease for the final time with the Wombats. All the off field talk amongst the boys while I spent yet another 25 to 30 overs padded up on the sidelines before going in was about whether I would have enough time to crack a farewell 100, or would I emulate Curly's final dig with a golden. And in the end, it was a combination of the two, as I started with a spanking cut shot that looked to have 100 written all over it, but followed this up a few balls later with a misplaced glide to first slip for catching practice and off I walked.

A fired up Goold then came to the crease, and joined Dino, who had now woken from his slumber and was powering along. What came shortly after was one for the record books as we noted, possibly the first 6 hit during an earthquake. As the ground shook, Dino unleashed and sent the ball sailing over the long on boundary while the lads considered the ground shaking under their arses in the tent. Shortly after, Dino saluted as he cracked yet another 6 to bring up another fine 100 for the Wombats, a fine display of aggressive batting after playing himself in, and giving regular chances (about 5 in all) that were dropped so he could have nothing to complain about when he came off, or so we thought.

Dino was finally dismissed for 111, his highest score for the Wombats, and Goold and Junior Andrews managed to see out most of the rest of the innings, Goold making a quick fire 40, and Rhino chiming in with a respectable 5 off the final 2 balls. 297 was going to be a hard total to chase against a strong Wombats bowling line up.

The Wombats opened with the new ball combination of Paula Abdullah and Streps Goold, and immediately had the experienced Adore openers in trouble. The slips cordon was packed, 4 slips and a gully, Streps was charging in, but it was Paula who grabbed the first wicket with a nice caught and bowled to bring up his first official wicket for the Wombats.

The Adore batters were holding their own in the face of our onslaught, as Koolhof came on and picked up the other opener. By now Adore had their best batter and best slugger at the crease and while the Wombats were busy trying to work out when they could get the bonus point, Adore were busy creating their own earthquakes. Kyal came on and went for a few, then GT came in and was duly punished, 40 off his first 3 overs which seemed to have spelt the end of the line as a bowler with the Wombats.

It was then entrusted to Rony to once again produce some Bangladeshi magic by bamboozling the Adore batters with leggies, flippers, wrong-un, and unknown-un's as he started working through the line-up. An excellent return of 2-19 off 8 overs had the game sewn up, but still the persistent Adore team hung around. Shaxy was bought on to try and wrap things up before the bonus point cut out and started with a nice tradesman-like off-spinner's wicket. Then Junior was bought on to hand out some diplomatic lessons, and bowled a nice spell picking up a wicket, but still Adore hung around.

Rhino was then thrown the pill, and told to finish these boys off quickly, the beers were waiting. Rhino responded by then marking out his run up to the boundary and steaming in off the long run, proceeded to bowl the slowest ball of the day. Admonished for his time wasting, he went back to the standard Rhino run up and picked up both pace and a wicket.

By now the bonus point had slipped away, and Beathy, feeling perhaps a little sentimental, or senile, bought back GT for a farewell spell with the Wombats, and the offer for a cheap tailender wicket or two if possible. Once again the Adore batters just saw an aging veteran sending down fruit pies and picked up where they left off, but I finally realised that perhaps pitching it up at the stumps may be the way to go. And so it was, a wicket, stump sent flying, and just maybe there could be a fairy tale ending. 2 wickets to go, 4 balls left. Now reinvigorated, I sent down the next for a play and a miss before the next one was smashed to Junior who took a great catch, and the fairytale was alive. 1 wicket left, 1 ball left. And so I came charging in, let fly with a beautiful inswinger to the left hander, caught a rock on the pitch, cut away, he played at it and the ball flew through to Dino behind. The team went up in unison, howzaaaaaaaaat, we turned to the umpire, pleading, who with a sly grin, saw through the charade and shook his head - missed it by about a foot. Fairytale over.

From there, the Adore innings was wrapped up, 232 off their 40 overs, and the game and points were the Wombats. In a wonderful gesture, the Wombats suggested I lead the team off the field for the last time, so I doffed the cap to the crowd and ended my 5 seasons on the field with the Wommies.

Then it was straight into the beers and bbq, and a fired up Streps looking to create havoc on the van ride home. The esky was plied with alcohol, perhaps more than enough for the quick trip back from Sano, and the high jinx were not forthcoming as Al sped the van back into Harajuku and unloaded the usual frothy seething mass onto the sidewalk at Harajuku station to polish off the remainders.

And with that comes an end to my time for now with the Wombats. I joined the club back in late 2006, playing through 5 seasons with the club, leading the team for 2 seasons, picking up a few premierships along the way, all through which I have had the privilege and good fortune to play with a great bunch of blokes both on and off the field. Above all, to have the chance and experience to play cricket in Japan with such a great bunch of guys is something I will never forget. I have witnessed some fine and high-skilled cricket moments on the field and enjoyed some hilarious things off the field. The Tokyo Wombats is not just another cricket club to play for, but a group full of mateship and camaraderie. You never actually leave the Wombats, you just make yourself unavailable for the next game.

Thanks for all the good times.

GT

PERSISTANT WOMBATS FALL TO WYVERNS SLOG FEST (26/06/2011)
by Kyal Hill
>>>Match Scorecard vs Wyverns
>>>Match Photos

A lacklustre Tokyo Wombats batting attack was almost made up for by some decent fielding and bowling but in the end proved not enough for the pounding clubs of the Wyverns on Sunday, serving Tokyo's furry finest their first JCL loss for the year.

It started out ordinary enough, with an extra 30 minutes of morning banter in the Harajuku drizzle while we waited for our belated Captain. President and Chauffeur Alex Koolhof got us underway, and bus talk was subdued for a while but livened up when it turned to bowel movements. That, however, then led a few of the weaker bladdered marsupials to decide they needed to excrete, now, as in before the usual Fuji conbini stop, and it caused another nameless Wombat later at said conbini stop to require 20 minutes to dump the previous night's red wine and pizza into the luxurious 7 eleven facilities. Had we arrived on time, we possibly could have convinced the Wyverns to set up on Fuji 2 instead of Fuji 1, but, well, shit happens eh.

Captain Gavin Beath didn't waste any good luck in the toss, so the Wyverns sent us in to bat. 3 Wombats on debut were presented their shirt and welcomed to the team: Andrew Baines, Angus Brooks, and Brad Smith. And at the end of the day, they had each played a good game, each with a couple of shining moments, showing good promise for the future. Welcome to the team, lads.

Angus and Gav opened strong, with debutant Angus playing solidly with confident, well timed strokes, including a couple of powerful 4s, and Beathy belting a massive 6 on his 3rd ball high over deep fine leg with his custom hook shot. It took all 10 Wyverns 10 minutes of bush whacking to realize that when Beathy gets right behind it, some balls just don't make it back. Gav looked to be settling in for a solid knock, but a drive to mid off just didn't have the legs to beat the fielder and he was gone for 19 off 40.

Jarrad Shearer entered the fray and started on a steady-looking partnership with Angus, who by now we were starting to think might be Dino's cricket doppelganger, so similar were their batting styles. Unfortunately it was undone a half hour later when Angus fell victim to the start of the Wyvern's sharp bowling attack. With a respectable 12 off 48, his batting debut was closed.

The entrance of Ryan France to the crease always inspires hope for an advance in the score and some good cricket to watch, but such was not to be the case today. 5 minutes, 5 dot balls, and a shattered castle later, he was quacking his way back to a depressed peanut gallery.

Enter newbie no. 2, Brad Smith. A solid effort with some fine placement and good steady running between wickets brightened the Wombats' prospects, but that didn't last for long either. Brad was clean bowled for 14 off 19.

After that, well, it was all downhill, and fast. Rony showed a glimpse of form but crumbled to Wyverns danger man Ogawa for 4 off 11. Andy Baines, Hajime Akiyama, and Kyal Hill didn't really even have time to show up, all 3 gone for ducks in the space of a couple of overs, 2 to Ogawa and 1 to Hanada. Paul Shackleford came in with a half dozen overs to go and scored a small handful of well-placed singles, briefly looking like he'd last the distance, but a lob to cover undid him at 4 off 20. Alex came to the crease with 3 overs to go, but 1 run and an over or so later, we were all out for 139.

So in the end, 4 Wombats went down for ducks, only 4 made double digits, and the highest runs scorer on 53 was extras, which was close to double the highest-scoring marsupial and as much as the rest of the team could muster collectively. Dismal, really. Special mention needs to go to the slimmer and trimmer Dino, who played the anchor for the team at no. 3. But lasting the distance is of course only half the job, and the erratic and unpredictable pitch after a morning's rain made for slim pickings. Dino finished not out for 32.

Convinced 140 was more than defendable, we got off to a positive start after lunch in the brightening and warmer afternoon, with Kiwi openers Beath and Hill delivering some tight bowling and each grabbing a key early wicket for cheap (Yanagisawa and Hanada). But the third wicket seemed to elude us. Alex replaced Gav and bowled well but to no gain. Tiny edges continued to slip through gaps and our frustration started to build as we bled 1s and 2s.

So on came the masters of spin, Shax and Rony, and we got a break when the Russian gazelle safely chested a high and deep screamer on the boundary. He didn't have to cover much ground for it, but it was a breathless few seconds for all to watch, and Koolhof seemed a little affronted at the team's lack of absolute faith in him. "I haven't dropped a catch in 2 years!" he cried. Of course we all know what happens after someone says that. Sure enough, a couple of overs later danger man Ogawa knocks a similar shot high and deep to the Vibram Master, and he gets under it easy enough but botches it completely. To add insult to the Prez's injury, Ogawa went on to score 44 in the key Wyverns partnership of the day.

The one thing the Wommies can't be faulted for, though, is persistence. Mentally, physically, and verbally, we never gave up. We kept the bowling reasonably tight, with Rony in especially good form, bagging himself a decent 3 for 32 off 7. We were quick on to balls in the field, with Englishman debutant Andy Baines performing Jonte-esque stunts to stop slamming drives and cuts. Even Hamburger got in on the action, running half with his back to the ball to take an uncharacteristically cool catch somewhere round deep mid wicket. And shortly after that Gavin avoided a Herschelle nomination to take us closer to the end of the Wyverns line up.

But defending 15 runs against 2 wickets and 9 overs was a tough ask, and we just weren't up to it on the day. We succumbed shortly afterwards, in the 32nd over.

Chino and Ogawa batted well for the Wyverns, Ogawa earning himself Hardys' Man of the Match for his team. Dino took the same trophy for the Wombats, and Hamburger got a bottle of wine for his catch.

Anyway, even when the cricket's all over, there's always the second and unfailable part of the day: the beers and banter on a Sunday afternoon on the grass with a bunch of good blokes happy just to be kicking back after a good run around.

We polished off the first round of beers on the field, and the team divided over the merits of conbini v maccas, so we did both. Later in the bus, fed and boozing, we discussed heroin and Keith Richards, nurses and sponge baths, how we miss Curly's sex-related questions, the difference between being a strict catholic and a loose non-catholic, and the definition of a girlfriend, with no real clear resolution on any topic but a great yarn nonetheless. Daisy Beath took umbrage at Hajime's newly exposed racism, and Alex Koolhof tried to kill us texting while driving. But at least no bones were broken or third-party property damaged.

CHIANG MAI SIXES TOUR 2011
by Ian Gason
>>>Tour Photos

After the highs of the successful 2010 Chiang Mai Sixes tour, 2011 was all set for a spectacular come-down. None of you regular Tokyo based Wombats made the tour. Unsuccessful attempts get a side - and then to just get players - from my Melbourne club also failed. Andy Hall's Adelaide contingent failed to materialize. And in the 11th hour I was told no Sri Lankan star players were available.

Paul Knighton of the quiz-dominating Men In Black answered the call, and Chiang Mai veteran Wani took us to four. Still two short, but me and Marty were not going to let that get in the way of a good time. Then, at 11pm, 9 hours before departure, Marty tells me he has lost his passport, and I was actually NOT looking forward to the trip.

One hour later, "I'VE FOUND IT!!!!" comes through, and 16 hours later, I'm sitting in a bar at KL airport with the (other) seven tour veteran, Marty.

At the welcome party we met team-mate #5, Gedd, from Awali, who was allegedly a wicket keeper, but definitely partial to a beverage or two. Team-mate #6 was Jason from Darwin, a 7 foot tall alcohol ingesting machine. At 1am we found him sleeping in a chair on the footpath on the corner of Cow Corner. Over an hour of efforts from 3 of us, including asking the two Boys In Brown not to arrest him just yet, we sent him by Tuk-Tuk 200m metres down the road to the Central. He didnt make it. Or the game the next day.

Luckily Yorkshire Puddings had loaned us their spare man, Jazz, who turned out to be our player of the week.

Past tourists will know the nocturnal routine, Irish Pub, Bermuda Triangle, Spiceys, a couple of trips to S.N. Jenny's bar (Bubbles remains closed). Irish Pub's Vicki has great new restaraunt which is set to become a Dingbat regular. We did venture out of the comfort zone to the hi-so Warm-Up and some other bar where the best way to handle an 8am game was to get shit-faced and crawl home well after 4.

On the pitch we were somewhat lagging. One quality player short (some would say 6....) our cause was not helped by Taranaki's willingness to play the forward defensive to Marty and Wani - we won. Somehow we lost to Awali - probably a result of not scoring as many runs as them. Our week high came in the much anticipated Wombat Derby. I opened with Wani, and we both enjoyed a 30 retired. Extras chipped in and took us to 118 (off 30 balls) the week's highest total, and 8 runs short of an all time record - if I hadnt taken mercy on a bowler's umpteenth wide, we might still be batting. Satisfying as the thumping was, it was good to finally have a beer with those blokes.

We snuck into the Bowl (The Taranaki Tavere's should've had that slot) and this is when our lack of depth was exposed. Both our 2nd stage games were winnable, v Chiang Mai Hot-Dogs (Reshi and Tariq and co) and Darwin (Jason was MIA again/still) but through bad cricket, bad captaincy and a bit of bad luck (it was plumb, wasn't it, Marty!!?) we lost 'em both, and at 10am Friday our tour was over.

We probably only took 5 wickets all week, and only one catch. Wani and me retired once each, which isnt enough. Paul at age almost-60 did well to get through all the games without a breakdown. Marty did get bat on ball this year, but the evidence on the edge of his bat suggests he didn't middle one. Jazz's last innings assualt on the Darwin bowling (6 balls, 6 boundaries) almost got us into the semis, and his dry Yorkshire sense of humour was often needed.

Gedd, a beginner by his own admission, accounts for several of my cricketing highlights:

- Standing half way to the fence for all the bowlers, including express men Marty and Jazz and Paul.

- Going out to open v Awali, asking (Marty of all people....), "Do I hit the ball like this {crossbat} or like this {front-foot}?"

- "Appealling" to the umpire that he was safe on an attempted run-out v Awali. (Apparently he was out but Awali didn't appeal cos they preferred him in!)

- Still managing a duck v Awali.

- Utilizing the "crocodile" technique as a wicket keeper.

He enjoyed himself and it was a pleasure to have him, as well as Wani and Jazz, as team-mates for the week.

And the Awali fine-session? Six bottles. Marty slaughtered but walking. Big Bob saying "No more- put the bottle away, Marty!"

All in all a fine tour which exceeded my expectations - for three blokes we did pretty well! Not the tour by which all others will be measured, but still plenty of laughs and stories to exaggerate for years to come.

I can hear Jarrad thumping the key-board and saying "That's not a tour REPORT!! You squat to piss, Curly! Where's all the GOOD bits!??!"

Yes, well, for a more detailed account of the week, here's what you do:

Take your dress off. Go to a travel agent. Book yourself to Bangkok on March 30 2012. Take a week off work. Give the wife this quote from the Blues Brothers, "Shut up! I'm the man and you're the woman!" And pull up a stool at the usual bar and I'll see if my memory improves.

2012 25th CHIANG MAI SIXES - APRIL 1ST TO 7TH.

WOMBATS FEAST ON FOLEY FUMBLES (17/14/2011)
by Gavin Beath
>>>Match Scorecard vs Paddy Foley's
>>>Match Photos

The Wombats assembled at the usual place in Harajuku on a crisp and sunny morning for the first game of the year in order to face the much-improved Paddy Foley's team who are now boasting a number of dangerous players such as Andrew Goldsmith and the Rana Brothers. It appears the Wombats will be a highly disciplined unit this year with no reports of excessive late-night drinking the night before or participation in any forms of adult entertainment. All members were looking as fresh as flowers – apart from Rosco, who as per usual, looked like death warmed up.

The van ride up was a smooth and safe affair with the President behind the wheel. It appears that Rosco is taking his health into consideration a bit more these days. He decided to go for a few healthier options at the conbini instead of his usual routine of ice cream and fried chicken for breakfast.

Wombats won the toss and decided to bat first after observing a minute's silence to respect the victims of the recent earthquake and tsunami. Three new Wombat virgins were presented with their Wombats shirts – Alex Howard, Abdullah, and Saifullah. I certainly hope they enjoyed their first experience with the Wombats. With a bit of luck and some rather loose bowling, the Wombats managed to cobble together a respectable 316 for 5 from the allocated 40 overs – which is the second highest score for the club.

Highlights include a maiden 50 for Nick Goold - who looks to be benefiting from few adjustments to his technique, quick fire cameos from GT, Dino and Rosco, and a golden duck off the last ball of the innings for Hitchman. Beath also chipped in with 145 runs. The CEO of Japan Cricket may well be expecting an angry phone call from Dino about the state of the ground, which apparently left this dinosaur rolling about the side of the pitch like a spastic after falling ass-over-tit trying to take off for a single. It looks like we have an early front-runner for the dummy spit award.

With 300-plus on the board, the weight of runs was always going to be a problem for the Paddy Foley's team despite a couple of guns in their team. This proved to be the case with the Wombats claiming victory in the 33rd over. Highlights include a 5 wickets haul for Rony (desperately in need of a haircut). It was an exceptional spell of bowling with a mixture of fizzing doosras, venomous top-spinners, exploding cannonballs, half-tracker pies, leg-spinning offies and off-spinning leggies. Rony took care of the key wickets of Goldsmith and his foil Blackeney. Abdullah shook off some rust and looked threatening, Goold knocked over a couple of top order bats, and Rosco lobbed down a few of his hand grenades to claim a couple of late wickets.

Not such a great day out for Koolhof as Goldsmith proceeded to give him the spanking that he should have received as a child. Debutant Howard also had a day to forget wildly spraying it around. In fact I have not seen a case of the sprays that bad since the morning after I allegedly drank 16 pints of Guinness on one Chiang Mai tour. GT also managed to produce one of the most boring spells of bowling I have seen for the Wombats, recording three maiden overs in a row. All in all, it was a fine performance in the field and hopefully we can maintain that standard for the rest of the season.

Bottles of wine went to Beath for 145, GT for a couple of good catches, and Amila for a couple of wickets and a few runs later in the game.

The van ride back was a cheerful affair. Not too much trouble apart from a naughty Dino trying to pick fights and throwing ice. I can sense the Curly tut-tuts from here. The highly intellectual topics that the Wombats usually discuss such as politics, economics and science were talked about in-depth throughout the van ride. One could tell that Howard fits in well with the Wombat's structure – estimating that buying four 6-packs would just about be enough for his trip back.

Big thanks to the umpires Thurgate and Lolly-Bags Lollback. Well done chaps.