WOMBATS DERAIL INDIAN'S PACIFIC.
vs IECC (PACIFIC CUP FINAL -- Shizuoka -- 21 Nov, 2004)
by Ian Gason
The Tokyo Wombats finished their 2004 season the way it began, with a stong victory over Indian Engineers at Shizuoka, taking out the 4-team Pacific Cup at its first attempt. Under clear winter skies, Engineers' score of 7/158 (35 overs) was chased down for the loss of 4 wickets, with 7 overs to spare.
Unlike the last time these two old rivals met - Koiwa mid-year - the dramas, comedies and throwing of toys was largely confined to off-field activities.
And unlike last time, tinkering with the batting order didn't prove our undoing, as we recorded our first ever win in a legit fixture over Biju's boys in 3 years of memorable tussles.
Dramas began with a phone call on the Tomei. It was Jarrad -who else would be calling me at 8am Sunday? Rather than a dummy spit resulting in suspension, this time it was suspension resulting in a dummy spit! Etsuko's car had gone bugger up, and a quick pit-stop at Fuji was needed to rectify the situation. Inside the car, Mr & Mrs Shearer, fresh off the plane from Perth, must have been teary-eyed, seeing their boy Jarrad was just the same after all these years.
Promises that he'd be there at 10:30 in time to start were ignored, and we instead worried about how to tell a hungover Zulu he'd have to stand in as 'keeper. Thankfully, The Indians were more ship-shape and had the ground ready to go. After a quick reminder from Robert about parking regulations, Wombats lost the toss and took to the field, using a borrowed ball.
Mind you, even if he hadn't forgotten a new pill, Jarrad still wasn't there anyway.
As always, it was Curly from the Car Park, and Big Al from the Lone Tree end. Tight bowling was met with tight batting from Vimal and Viswa. Few runs were conceded in the opening spells, and just one chance was given.
With the score on next to nothing, Vimal flicked one of mine to the normally safe Rob Mann at short mid wicket for a regulation chance. Lucky we've had the Presentation Night already Rob, as Vimal top-scored with 46.
The openers began to accelarate after the first changes. Despite bowling a good fast 4 overs, Reggie finished with 0-34. After umpire Robert didn't call dead-ball for an unprepared Vimal, the batsman took his anger out on Axe's next ball, spanked cross bat over mid-off for 6. The arrival of the Shearer family was in no way related to the fall of the first wicket, as Papa Steve turned and hit from mid wicket to run out Viswa for 33, ending a 72 run stand.
With shutter-bug Shax rested for the clash, dibbly-dobbly duties fell to Brett Pollard. On a day when rubbish half-trackers were rewarded rather than punished, Brett bowled well AND got wickets. First he had #3 Anupum plum as they come for a quacker, and later had opener Vimal caught by Chuck for 46. Some rough treatment from Indian big-gun Ashok left him with 2-26 after 6.
Rob Mann experimented with the indiscriminate use of WMDs, before he shortened his run-up for immediate results, with a catch to Jarrad. The day's biggest wicket came on possibly the day's dinkiest ball. The agressive Nari Ram's first ball was an innocous piece of leg-side tripe, a ball so bad it sat up and begged to be banished. Instead, Nari's top edge went sky high to fine leg, where Reggie did the rest.
Impressed, Chunky Cosway went the shit-gets-wickets way with a similar ball to dismiss Indian veteran Bobby at square leg. This brought an end to the Indian collapse, as Biju's big-gun Ashok was deployed. Our old friend made merry with Chunky, leaving him with 1-20 from 2. Brett suffered a splash-down, the ball lodging in the mud at the bottom of the Abekawa.
Cap'n Jones went sensibly into damage control mode, doubling up at cow-corner, and turning to the Tasmanians, Alex and Luke. They did a great job of keeping Biju at the action end, leaving Ashok to watch on. After a quick fire 34, which included a fair smattering of boundaries, Ashok fell bowled to Alex. With all the wommies gee-ing him up, The Body Koolhoff sent his last ball down for the Wombats. It was dispatched in between cow-corners #1 and #2, and despite the despearte head-first lunge into the rocks by Little Richard, the ball rolled back onto the road for an inappropriate end to his 23 wicket season.
Paired up with his old mate for the first time since backyard days, Luke Ray was given the unenviable task of bowling to Ashok at the death, with wickets in hand. Personally, I was glad I'd bowled my 7 overs through, but Rayos rose to the challenge, and came through with shining colours. As ever the run-saver in the field, The Freak finished with 0-18 from 5 overs, to restrict IECC to just 7/158. Wombats thought we had a run out off the last ball, but it was dis-allowed by Robert, who came in for some questioning by a dissenting wicket keeper.
At lunch we were left to wonder how Mrs Shearer could sledge so well, and yet her son Jarrad after 27 years of cricket, can still do no better than lame offerings about clue shops and pianos. Inspired by Glenn McGrath, the man he denies is his biological father, Alex said "I want to bat up the order" and was given the all important #3 slot. Brett and Tugga went out to do battle with Ashok and Nari, while the rest of listened to stories of Jarrad's earliest bat-throwing adventures.
Perhaps the Indians had over-indulged at Depvali, as they were not their usually menacing selves. Aided by a Parthiv Patel impersonator and some wayward bowling, the openers added 23, before Brett fended a short ball from Nari for a simple catch.
The Body didn't disapoint, playing some lush drives, some so good he chose to stand and admire his work rather than run! Unaccustomed to batting outside a net, Al almost cost Tugga his wicket in a mix-up, but Parthiv failed to gather the ball. Tugga's luck did run out on 14 when he tried to pull a Sandeep ball into the drink, but the ball kept low and he was castled. (2/52) Golden Thong winner Chuck joined the Golden Wombat winner Alex. After minutes of patiently knocking in his MRF, a bat with more meat than a backyard barbie, the captain endured a monotonous two dot balls before effortlessly sending Sandeep into the vicinity of Lone Tree for a 6 every bit as big as the one I saw Sachin put onto the roof of Wankhede. (Well, almost.)
While the fielders searched for a ball which they never found, Chuck checked for dents, which he never found. Inspired, he raced to 20 in 8 balls, before a top-edge scare brought him back to earth. Fellow golden boy Alex drove through the covers, calling 'SHOT' as the ball raced away for 4. Next ball though it was the Indian doing the talking, when he holed out to Biju for 14. (3/91)
Chunky Cosway combined with Chuck for a 26 run partnership, contributing 8 before he was removed by Vimal. (4/117 after 22) The Shearers were then given the chance to see their boy in action, or in-action as Brenda would have it. Biju turned to his opening duo to try and remove the Sandgropers, but it was in vain. Chuck's 50 came up in 37 balls with a boundary, but Golden Thong safely in hand, Chuck declined to show us a Gillespie-style Happy Gilmour bat-riding celebration.
With his dear Mum's careful words of encouragement ("Stop BLOCKING and HIT the ball Jarrad!") firing him up, the Prez picked up the pace. As the Wombats neared the target, Jarrad was also nearing 400 runs for the year.
Scorers scrambled to make the calculation, but it appeared he'd need to first level the scores, then hit a boundary. Just as we'd reached this conclusion, Jarrad pulled Ashok into the gateball ground for 6 to win the game. Chuck finished not out on 58, Jarrad 23, leaving him on 398 runs for the year.
Thanks to the other Clubs (IECC, BECC and Kytes) for inviting us to join the comp. We appreciate being taken seriously in the cricketing community.
Thanks again to Robert and Neil for umpiring, and to all the Indians for getting the ground ready. Thanks of course to Andre and Brenda Shearer for moulding the unique individual we know and love as 'Grumpy'.
KIWI CAT CLAWS KYTES IN PACIFIC POUNDING.
vs Shizuoka Kytes (PACIFIC CUP -- Shizuoka -- 24 Oct, 2004)
by Ian Gason
Tokyo Wombats have advanced to the final of The Pacific Cup after a 183 run flaying of Shizuoka Kytes. Initially it appeared a post-Premiership hangover would be our undoing, but Wombats recovered on the strength of debutant Snappy Tim Whisker's 57, posting 7/223, before sending the Kytes packing for a meagre 39.
Jarrad Shearer gave young Arthur Harrison an early birthday present in the 2nd over, when he top edged one from whatshisname with the Ponytail. The lad moved swifty around from short fine leg to take a good running catch. At Lone Tree End, Matt Sharpe had the ball swinging like a tree in a typhoon.
After two weeks of padding up in vain, Shax was promoted to number 3, and whilst he was able to survive the hungover one, Dr Dave was not. Sharpie's wedding present for the Doc was one that honed in from way out side off to total his timber. Sharpie almost totalled himself as he fell in his follow through, but the way in which he rolled suggested that he has probably fallen over more times than you've had hot dinners.
At 2/7, our new found Wombat, Snappy Tim was probably thinking these Wombats were dingbats. At square leg, I was wondering if this bloke - whose form guide read "met Little Richard, Magambos, early morning" - could play or not.
Tugga and Magambos are two things in which I trust, and it was only two balls before my faith was repaid. Mr Ponytail overpitched one, and Tim picked it up and tapped it over the bowlers head and into the carpark for 6.
That was enough to convince not only me, but also Paul Shax, who was happy to play a supporting role in this vital partnership. Tim took the ugly stick to Sharpie's previously impeccable figures, forcing Neil to turn to his ring-in, Rob McKenna. (Come to Chiang Mai, Rob, and I'll never call you a ring-in again.) Our big cat turned the tables on the Japan coach, handing him a cricketing lesson of his own, sending 3 balls to the boundary in his first over.
At the Car Park End, Wombats had milked the wide cow dry, and Larry's spin was introduced. Tim immediately sought out the banished bowler at point, where a picture perfect Harbour Bridge resulted in four more. Twice by the time Larry had removed Shax with a yorker, Wombats had steadied to 3-71.
Smoking' Pete came to the crease, told Tim off for ruining the Y500 whites he'd lent him, and let him know that if he made a 50, or came to the Golden Gai on Friday, all would be forgiven. A fair man, the veteran Vic gave his trans-Tasman brother the strike, and supported him through a 35 run partnership, before himself falling victim to a Larry yorker.
Larry made it 3fa when he claimed Tim with, you guessed it, a yorker. Last week's Hardys' winner, Rob Mann went out to join his captain in the middle, and took to the bowling like a duck to water. Rob McKenna soon took to the water, after Chucky pulled a splash-down six. Full marks again to Arthur Harrison, who ignored Rob's request to go wading in the chilly Abekawa to recover the ball.
Shizuoka had no weapon in its armoury to dent the deadly duo of Jones & Mann, who took the score onto 170, before, one shot short of his 50, a visibly unhappy Chuck Jones was ruled caught behind by umpire Grumpy. I went out to join Axe, and managed to see off the hungover one, and get myself up to the safer end of the pitch. Axe was soon the second Wombat raising his bat for the day, recording his first 50 for the Club. Twice he drove uppishsly back at Sharpie, who feeling not so sharp this day, was unable to move quick enough to take the offerings.
The day's first comical run-out ended Rob's fine dig, when he turned one down to fine leg, and voices from above commanded we take a second. I thought it looked dicey, but as I wasn't going to the danger end, I soldiered on, waiting for the retreat order which never came. Probably because Axe was busy falling over as he turned.
Andy Hall, minus that silly blue hat, got his Tusker back off Tim, and we saw out the last few overs. My first four of the season came off the innings' final ball, a full toss on leg from Larry. Wombats 7/223, a challenging score indeed.
The challenge would soon prove too much for Kytes. McKenna opened the innings with Joel Chamberlain, and me and Big Al opened the attack for the Wombats. 3rd over, I rapped Big Joel on the pads, and although every other Wombat went up, I did not. The umpire agreed with the other ten, and sent an unhappy Kyte on his bike. Neil Harrison resisted until the 8th, when after a fair duel with the bowlers, a swing and a miss went from his pads to his stumps.
Big Al, 0-4 from 3 overs, was unceremoniously dragged, and Regan Dawson bowled his first over for the year, where he claimed the big wicket of Rob McKenna. A inauspicious half-tracker was pulled to a waiting Whisker, who made no mistake. Matt Sharpe was rustled from his slumber and soon strategized his way to the Graeme Wood Running Between The Wickets Award. He smacked towards the mid wicket fence and thinking he had 4, was in no mood for wasting his dwindling energy on running. The ball stopped dead in its tracks, and the batsmen belatedly jogged a step or two before realizing that Snappy Tim had snapped up the ball and they were up the Abekawa without a paddle.
Sharpie was soon back in his dinky yaki-imo van after an audacious swing at Reggie ended his day. 4 of Kytes' top 6 registered ducks. Resistance came too little too late from the tail, in particular Mr Ponytail and Arthur.
Last time we met the Kytes the young Harrison proved a tough nut to remove, and in the space of a season, we have seen him develop confidence enough to take on the bowlers and play his shots. Neil, do something abou this tennis business.
Snappy Tim's dream debut was marred when his first ball for the Wombats was dropped. This didn't stop him from going on to bag two wickets. As the cavalry arrived in the form of Todd Phillips, the show was well and truely over. By the time Shax wrapped up the innings on 39, the Wombats bowling figures read like a form guide: Welcome Back Reggie 2-5; Snappy Tim 2-8; Curly In Tights 2-8; Wyhalla Warrior and NIKKA one apiece; The Body Koolhoff no wins from 4 starts.
It was a more subued van than the one that cursed the Tomei last week, but not without its' share of shennanigans. Up the back Tim, Chuck and Shax were locked in a deadly discussion on the Ultimate XI, and it took some creative toiletry from Smokin' Pete to lure them back to the more usual conversations. Pete had more pressing concerns than the merits of Waqar v Hadlee. "Tim, mate, forget the bloody pants. Are we on for Friday?".
Wombats wish our man from Calcutta, Dr Dave Bera, and his wife-to-be, Tanya all the best for their wedding. May you enjoy a long and happy partnership.
Neil and all the Kytes, thanks for the game. Thouroughly enjoyed it, and we look forward to our next encounter. See if you can't get Todd out of bed next time though.
GLORIOUS, VICTORIOUS!!
vs Lalazar (Shizuoka --- KCL GrandFinal (div 2) -- Oct 17th, 2004)
By Ian Gason
Wombats defeat Lalazar to lift Kanto Cup!
The Tokyo Wombats CC have been crowned Premiers of the Kanto Cricket League (Div 2) after inflicting a heavy defeat upon a previously undefeated Lalazar, at Shizuoka. Batting first, Wombats' yield of 4/201 from 40 overs was too much for Lalazar, who were bundled out for 111. The win was the culmination of 3 years of hard work for the Club, and was anchored by Club veterans Skipper Chuck and Prez Jarrad.
The Wombats' Road To Glory was stalled at Harajuku for over 30 minutes by a delay of the intergalactic kind, and when the wagon was finally put in motion, I drove with speed and determination that was later sadly lacking from my bowling. Despite accuracy (lack thereof) which was later reflected on the pitch, I had the lads at the ground on time, more or less.
Chuck won the toss, and he and Jarrad padded up and headed into battle.
Jarrad survived an early scare, when an edge fell frighteningly short of Lalazar's new found 'keeper. That moment aside, the two West Aussies constructed the foundations for the Wombats innings, giving nothing away.
They kept their heads rather than worry about the run-rate, which was initially dragging around the 3/over mark. A smattering of big hits interspersed a constant trickle of singles all around the ground, making life difficult for the opposing capatin's field.
An eerie silence took over the Lalazar field, only interrupted by the annoying sounds of Zulu breaking in his new Slazenger. Wombat supporters where given a few opportunities to cheer, as a few more boundaries pushed score up to 90 without loss at drinks. On the sidelines we where wondering when the push would come, and how much 'enough' would be on the slow but small Abekawa ground. (178 according to Robert. Not 180, or 175....)
Shortly after the break, after setting a Wombats 1st wicket partnership record, Jarrad felll for 39, with the score on 92. Soon he was joined in the pavilion by Chuck (36). Little Richard joined Steve at the crease, and almost immediately the much awaited push was on. Initially Richo was circumspect with the spinners on, but with men in the shed and knowing that it would take air strike to remove Burkey, he let loose. In the blink of an eye he'd racked up 22, and helped change the tempo of the game. Shacksie, padded up, was getting shunted down the order. Again.
Andy Hall was the next man in, and copped his fair share of bruises, each one no doubt catalogued for future reference. Several "leg" byes resulted from thuds to the chest, allowing Burkey the strike. Andy score of 5 doesn't really reflect the true value of his brief innings.
The best was saved to last when Zulu, back from Briz Vegas having missed the semi, joined Mr Equipoise and played a pig hunter of an innings. His second scoring shot was murdered into the vicinity of the shithouse for 6, and another was put across the road. A few deft dabs through the vacant 2nd slip area resulted in twos. Meanwhile, at the other end, Burkey had compiled 50 with all the urgency of a pensioner collecting his morning paper. Not to be outdone by the young upstart, he too had a few hoiks up his sleeve. One lofted straight drive into the lone tree was followed by a savage shot back at the bowler which had umpire Rob McKenna scampering for cover and lucky to be alive.
The pair added 40 runs in the final 4 overs, taking the score from a run of the mill 160 to a challenging 201. Equalling importantly, they snatched the momentum of the game and performed a psychological battering on Lalazar, one from which they would struggle to recover.
Wombats ever reliable opening pair, myself and The Body Koolhoof, were certainly not reliable ever today, and not only failed to get the early breakthrough but allowed Lalazar to skip away into the 20s in 4 overs.
Seeing one opener falling across his stumps, I switched to around, and although failed to get a wicket, at least put a halt to the runs. Captain Jones sensed now was the time to change and brought Spacey into the attack at the Lone Tree end, and he was promptly dispatched way, way, WAY across the river and into another time zone.
Spacey soon had his revenge, when one of the openers played an idiotic shot, stepping across his stumps, attempting to lift him over square leg and getting himself very, very leg before. The original and best WMD Rob Mann came on at the Car Park end, and soon induced a momentary lapse of reason, as a top edge went stratospheric and into the waiting hands of Jarrad Shearer. With the help of the square leg ump, who pointed out there was one to come, Rob castled one for his second wicket of the over.
Battered and bruised, NIKKA came on for Spacey, and put in his best performance of the year. In the space of a few overs before drinks he had the prized scalps of Aqeel and Gulzhar (Bollywod) and Fine Cotton, who was displaying signs of a bold personality. Only the quality fo the competition saw him not take out the Hardys' Man Of The Match. Whether or not we would've wasted a good bottle of champagne on NIKKA is another question.
The champagne was flowing for Axe Mann though. Papa looked into his crystal ball, and said to his Skip, "I'm just going over there to cover to catch this bloke." The very next ball, Axe delivered and Burkey was in exactly the right spot to get his safe hands around a rocket. Lalazar 7 down for 70, and the familiar number of '7' was not going to haunt the Wombats this time. Was it?
Prior to drinks, Shax was given one over. I thought it was pretty good, but I'm not captain and Chuck took him off, and gave the openers a chance to redeem themselves. Alex did, though he tried his best to make a meal of another stratospheric top edge. 4 Wombats were close enough to take it, Tugga was the only brave enough to call it, but Big Al it was who got under it. And spilt it. And grabbed it, almost. Calls of "Yeaaahh" were cut off, but just like McGrath, when you thought he couldn't possibly, he held it. A yorker got Al his second, and The Wombats were just one wicket from the Premiership.
My one chance at redemtion was too hot for even Mr Equipoise to hold onto, and I was banished in favour of Axe. The last batsman were determined to make us earn this victory and showed determination and concentration that was so badly lacking in their team-mates. Finally, with the score on 111, Axe sent down the winning ball, which was pulled over square leg into the safe hands of that little magician, Richard.
"Glorious, victorious" was belted out for the first of many times. Somehow between all the singing, beers and air-guitars, we managed to get across the street, where the champagne was popped. Amongst all the highlights - and how good were they - it was Yuki Koolhoff who started the tears flowing. She was not the only one, and was joined by a few of the blokes too. Don't worry, I want name you, Richard, Burkey.....
The Highway To Hell was even more demonic, and things were out of control by the supermarket carpark. Ice fights, more tears, flying shopping trolleys, "anti-drunk repellent". Spacey entered the Golden Thong fray with a rooftop highway piss. "Once a jolly swagman", "Advance Australia Fair" and "True Blue" were given various degrees of punishment, as was the car stereo. Andy had tears in his eyes, possibly due to the windscreen cleaner Zulu got him with. Cap'n Jones was just one big happy camper, belting out his favourite tunes in the front seat. Richo penned another Club song, not fit to repeat here. By the time I had them back in Harajuku the car resembled a bombsite, and popcorn, chips, regurgitated NIKKA whiskey, broken eskies, beer cans (empty and full) poured out the door like.....well, like drunken Wombats really.
It's not every day you win a Grand Final though.
Thanks? Where do we start? Chunky & The Freak, for coming down and being there. Rob and Neil for a superlative umpiring job. Robert for your technicolour wonder work in the scorebook. To Lalazar, not just for the game, but for getting the ground ready. To all the KCL officials. To our sponsors HARDYS & The Clubhouse. To the Shizuoka Tasmanians. To all the girls. If I've forgotten anyone, as I'm sure I have, I apologise. Oh yeah, to Nippon Rentacar.....
WMDS UNLEASHED ON ICHIHARA
vs Ichihara (Fuji II --- KCL Semi final -- Sept 26th, 2004)
by Ian Gason
Captain Courtney Jones commanded an unprecedented destruction of Ichihara at Fuji, utilizing with brutal and merciless force a full arsenal of Wombats Of Mass Destruction. Like the born-again Jarrad Shearer Stand, the Wombats rose from the ashes of their JGC elimination to earn a final berth and promotion to Division One, with a 270 run victory in the KCL semi final.
Harnessing the pain of their Grand Final hangovers, security pillows properly packed, and inspired by The Captain's pre-game sermon, Wombats sent their Chiba brethren into the field for a long and painful first sesion. The Sandgropers, Shearer and Jones opened the account, and played the first few overs with a conservatism which masked the team's true intentions.
Having taken 8 balls for no runs, Jones got off the mark with a calypso-style pull which landed in the adjacent field. Despite a superlative spell by David Lolliback at one end, Cap'n Chuck raced to 28 from 20 balls, before being caught behind off the first change bowler, Nick Creece. Papa Steve's long awaited Fuji debut got a perfect start when Creece was cracked through the off for four. One dot and one over later, Papa was again facing up to Creece and raced to his quarter century (8 balls) as he stroked and pushed the bowler's offerings to the boundary in a 22 run over (444442).
Lolliback continued without reward at the City End. His first 6 overs yeilded just 4 scoring shots and 7 runs. Sadly for him, at the River End runs flowed like free beer at a 21st. As instructed, The Dinosaur played the anchor role so well you expected him to be covered in barnacles, and allowed Burkey the freedom to dip into his vast and varied bag of tricks. Though the big Victorian did slow down from his initial onslaught, you'd hardly have cause for complaint. On a slow wet outfield, Burkey harvested his runs with timing and placement, carressing balls with the sweetness of a twenty dollar whore. His cool, calm head so him rarely go over the top.
The pair had the crowd on their feet more often than not as milestones came and went like Michael Schumacher victories: 50, 50 partnership, Burkey's 50, 100, 100 partnership, Jarrad's 50, 150. After drinks, with Lolliback out of the attack, Jarrad joined in and the run rate went from 5-6 to 6-7.
Regrettably, just a dozen runs short of their own Wombats partnership record, Jarrad fell for 59 with the score on 170.
Enter Richard. Appropriately hammered on Grand Final Day, the little Tasmanian was in the mood for run-making, and had spent 25 overs champing at the bit. Confusion reigned in the scorers' tent, as Tugga was like a pit-bull with a baby. The 50 partnership was just missed altogether, and when the Wombats rose to applaud his 50, he was actually on 57! Somewhere amongst the carnage, Steve Burke scored the first ever Wombat century, an effort so graceful it had Spacey combing his hair in appreciation.
Promoted up the order, Paul Shacks had padded up in the fifth over, but with just a few overs of the Death left when Burkey fell for 104 (50-odd balls!), he was demoted back down in favour of the big hitters. Tugga meanwhile had racked up 70 before walking back to embrace his pillow. Like a swaggie swatting a fly, NIKKA flicked a 6 over mid wicket. Ax chopped, and Smoker said 'salabas' to a few loose balls, and with thunder and lightning in the background, our 40 overs yielded 6/306.
As we chomped our cheeseburgers (again, thanks Hasib!) in the rain, some of us wondered wether Chuck's bold style of captaincy may mean our efforts were in vain. Chuck had a game plan (bat and destroy) and was buggered if he was going to let some dinky clouds divert us from his chosen path. Although he may have mixed it up in his sermon, Chuck wasn't about to die wondering.
Under an M-sized rain, Wombats took to the field. Umpire Robert's disparraging insults about my family name's meaning in French lit the fuse which blew apart the Ichihara batting. Third ball I found the edge of Lolliback's bat, and this time Jarrad made no mistake, 1-0. Creece tried to hook his first ball to Alex, but manged to land it safely. A wet new ball proved a challenge to the bowlers (myself and Alex), and Creese picked up some easy boundaries, before the rain forced Robert to force the participants from the field.
With the rain getting heavier, Robert and the other semi's umpire consulted and agreed on a 3:15 inspection. As if acting upon orders the rain eased up, and the teams given 5 minutes to be ready. Far from the comforts of the reconstructed Jarrad Shearer Stand, Alex and I had been out in the rain warming up (better late than never...) and when play resumed, we were focused and ready.
As Alex is prone to do, he uprooted some stumps to end a 25 run 2nd wicket stand. And then came: The Mother Of All Overs.
First the danger man Nick Creece drove a half volley back at me. The ball was seemingly destined for 4, but as Chuck had said he'd die out here for us, I thought I'd better at least make a show of stopping it. Unbalanced and unconvinced I nonetheless stuck the left paw out in the vaig direction of the ball, and, pinch me I'm dreaming, the bloody thing stuck. Hasib got no thanks for the cheeseburgers, and after a swing & miss first up, got a swing & snick 2nd up. Like a slightly saner version of Gary Fischer, Chuck commanded Burkey at 2nd slip a little to the right. On cue, the batsman slashed and Burkey's hand somehow managed to come between the ball and the boundary. Third wicket for the over, Ichihara 5/27.
Meanwhile at the other end, The Body Koolhoff's Glenn McGrath impersonations had me wondering if Mrs Koolhoof has ever been to Narromine. Precision bowling brought 2 more wickets, with another bowled and another catch to Jarrad. I abandonded my run-up for a 3 step, and picked up my fifth with an LBW, and was a couple of coats of varnish from a sixth. With only 9 wickets on offer, The Body bagged the last of the day to finish with 4-16. Ichihara had gone from 1-25 to all out 36 in 10 overs, 8 wickets faling in 6 overs.
Special mention must go to Shax, who not only spent 35 overs padded up for nothing, left Fuji without having once touched the ball! On-board celebrations had to go ahead without Jarrad. The soft heart which lurks beneath that tough exteror dictated that he should spend the night with his other true love, Etsuko. Rest assured, big fella, we batted on without you.
Any stories you might hear about Smoking Pete brandishing a salami and running around the carpark in undies are pure furfies.
Thanks again to Hasib, David and all the Ichihara boys, as well as Robert for his umpiring and French lessons.
Next week: KCL GRAND FINAL, WOMBATS v ICHIHARA. THIS is what it's all about, Wombats!
Lately it seems to be the other way round, but Sunday at Koiwa, the rain stayed away and the opposition turned up, and the Japan Gold Cup Finals' series got under way. Sadly, Wombats have made a first round exit, due to the typically miserly bowling of our nemesis, Sri Lankan Lions.
After six weeks of gathering cobwebs and cancelling renatacars, Wombats did well to dismiss the Lions for 135, on the back of Shaxie's 3fa, but were choked by persistent, precision line and length bowling, and faltered in the death to be dismissed for 115 in the final over.
Chuck went through the formalities of tossing and, sure as night follows day, lost. Wombats took to the field, and me and The Body Koolhoff dueled with the Lions openers. Pads were rapped, balls were pushed past slip, edges weren't found, and an even contest went on for 9 overs. A switch to round the wicket, brought immediate results, as a top edge had 'keeper Shearer bellowing 'MINE' loud enough for Zulu to hear him down in Briz Vegas. Next over, The Body was amongst the wickets, and Lions were 2/39.
Chuck thanked me for the breakthrough by dragging me and bringing on Jim Cole, who bagged himself a Lion first ball, edged pull to Jamie Foster. 3/39. Paul Shax was soon brought in, and his first wicket came 2nd ball. From then on in, neither side was able to clearly dominate. Lions failed to build on starts, with partnerships in the 10s. Wombats got regular wickets, but were unable to get them in quick succession as we would have wanted.
Paul Shax ended the day with 3-16 - and a bottle of Hardys' for his trouble. Little Richard took a Schweppes Classic Catch running in from deep square leg and diving forward to take a pearler. Spacey's call sums it up: you only see those on television. Jamie Foster was in the action again, combining with Papa Steve at the bowlers end for a run out.
Papa was in the action from slip, as a NIKKA wide collected Jarrad's manky toe on its way to a gift run. With Jarrad rolling around in need of euthansia, the batsmen wrongly figured a second was on offing. Papa sized up the situation, shrugged his shoulders and with all the urgency of Brisbane winning a fourth flag, threw down the stumps for a run out.
The innings was closed for 134, a great effort against a side full of strong bats. Misfield were minimal, the only HG was hot as extra strength Tabasco. Extras were by and large contained. We had set ourselves up with a good chance.
Alas, it was not to be, as unfortunately our old foes bowl every bit as well as they bat. Little Richard was first to go, caught behind as snicko belatedly came to life. Papa Smurf joined Dino at the crease, but that partnership didn't last long, as Grumps holed out to deep mid on. Chuck Jones picked up a duck, the only man adjudged LB for the day. Wombats were down, but never out. 100runs short of the target, Smoking Pete said 'Salabas' to his retirement plans and proceeded to earn the moniker 'Lazarus'.
More than just bat v ball, this was to be a contest of the minds. Lions are well known for the tightness of their bowling, and the two seasoned Wombat campaigners played a waiting game. Boundaries would not come, and the pair did a great job of keeping things ticking over. Ones and twos were the order of the day, as Lions bowlers - Mahen, Manura and Udaya - were giving nothing away.
Little by little the run-rate crept, from 3 to 4, and by the 27th over had crept to 5. The boys in the middle knew it was time to go, having patiently constructed a 50 run partnership, but knowing a final spurt for the line was needed. Sadly, the Koiwa pitch produced a skidder, and in the blink of an eye, Lazarus was heading back to the remains of the Jarrad Shearer Memorial Stand.
Victory was attainable, though the Lions never showed any inclination to let us near it. Even Roy, who'd continued his poor run of finals by playing a 2 ball crayfish like innings, wouldn't produce the easy picking we so badly needed. When Papa was finally removed for his 2nd 50 in a row, a 30 ball, 30 run chase was called for. I combined with NIKKA for one 7 run over, keeping our chances alive.
The game was probably won in Roy's next over, as he restricted us to just 2 runs. Boundaries were badly need now, and they surely wouldn't be coming gift wrapped at this stage of the day. Trying to hoik good balls got the better of the Wombats' tail, as NIKKA was bowled, and me and Jamie both got run out trying to manufacture runs.
When The Lions finally wrapped things up in the final over, the margin of victory was a good 20 runs. Such a number doesn't do justice to the brave fight shown by our boys. We'd bowled and fielded well, and restricted a good batting line-up to a gettable total. With runs as hard to find as virgins in GasPanic, Burkey and Pete's efforts must be praised for keeping us in the race. Had one or two swings in the death produced 4s and not dots, who knows.....It seems you could bowl these Lankans out for 25, and they'd still choke you with dot balls. Full marks to them for a well earned victory, and we wish them luck in defending their JGC title.
One area where Wombats will NEVER be outdone is the post-match shenanigans. Reluctantly, Watami let us in, and Wombat-to-be Chris was soon wondering what he'd got himself in for. Chuck as ever lead by example, and a speech slurring President churned out never ending stories. Tugga was probably wishing he'd dropped that catch after a few skulls. Lazarus' Pete was labelled a 'Peaheart' for his retirement talk. Jarrad copped a whole lotta Rosie, learning you should never sledge the Irish. Tomoko Hosking leared the difference between tights and hi-tech sporting leg-wear. Chuckie took the meaning of 'time to piss off' literally, proceeded to fall up the stairs, had to be manhandled away from, you guessed it, the fire extinguisher, and pulled out his customery 'bicycle dive'.
Egged on by Axe's Rosie, Chuck then treated the train to a pole dance, and for Y1000, an exceptionally unartistic strip to the jox and climbed into luggage rack. Dragged down by Ritsuko, the only hit he got all day was the one she superbly delivered to his head. Chuck, you might want to thank her too, for rescuing your shorts from Rosie. Not content, the Chou line got to see him pad up ready for action.
Bigger and better things await The Wombats: KCL semi-final v Ichihara, Sunday 26th at Fuji.
JAPAN FRIENDSHIP CUP
Japan, KCL All Stars, JCA Board XI, and Bagladesh Acadmey, Fuji, Aug 20-22
by Ian Gason
WOMBAT SLEDGING GAINS NATIONAL ATTENTION.
Chuck, Jarrad, Alex, and myself (Curls) were lucky enough to participate in this great weekend of cricket, testing our mettle with not only Japan's best cricketers, but also young and upcoming Bangladeshis, some of whom will one day make the grade as Test cricketers. With perfect views of Fuji-san, a U-beaut curry and 150 cricketing J-shielas on Saturday, what more could a Wombat ask for?
Day One: Board XI v Bangladeshi Academy.
Board XI went in to bat, and a fiery leftie from Bangladesh soon had first blood as a bruised Joel (Kytes) was back in the pavilion. The backbone of the Board innings was our man Jarrad who made his maiden century, highlighted by consecutive 6s in the death. I joined Jarrad for a 60 run 8th wicket stand after a mid innings wobble. All Out 250.
Like a Wombats game, my second ball was dropped at slip. Salt in the wound from Matt, who spilled one at backward square same over. Next over he got one, and so did the recalictrant slip in my next. I grabbed me 2nd with a Little Richard style running belly flop c&b. From 3fa f**all, the teenagers showed great maturity to fightback, and looked like wrestling the game from The Dream Team (that's us, OK?). Another couple of wickets and we looked to be home at 8/150. Again the kids showed that really DO have what it takes to play for their country, by putting together 2 big stands and getting Grumpy grumpy. "Curly, get me a wicket!". So I did, bowled.
The last pair took the score into the 240s before Shariful Islam told Jarrad "Give me just one over". With the other game finished the Bangladeshi treated everyone to a nail-biter, before Matt took a good catch in the deep with just 3 runs to spare.
Day Two: Board XI v Japan.
Japan batted first and started off by handing the Dream Team a fair spanking, helped along by some more poor catching, and run of the mill bowling. Things started turning our way when Ken (Tokyo Bay) started taking wickets (3fa). A couple of run outs and some good bowling from Naem (Friends?) and we had done really well to restrict the national side to 200.
No worries, right? Wrong. Andrew King (British) got The Dinosaur for a duck. Naem went on the attack and had his fifty before we knew it, but couldn't go on with the job.
A couple more wickets thrown away and we had a hole to extract ourselves from. I went out to join Yoshi (Millenium) and stopped the rot. The young Japanese lad was great, valuing his wicket and slowly we approached the top of the hole. Sadly, he didn't middle a loose ball and was caught. A couple of partners came and went til I joined the lemmings on 22. 8fa not enough and eventually a costly loss, all out 150.
Day Three: Board XI v KCL All-Stars.
The much anticapted Wombat-on-Wombat show down, both teams a chance to take the Friendship Cup. Naem went cheaply, bringing Dream Team secret weapon Shariful "The Sherrif" Islam to the crease. The Sheriff had played in the U-19 World Cup for Bangladesh. Jarrad made amends for his dinky duck, with a quick fire 28. It was completely overshadowed by The Sherriff's magnificent century. He made the "All Stars" look like the "Milky Bar Kids" as he smacked them all round the ground. Some pedestrian outfielding by one C.Jones saw him come in for some harsh heckling from the batting side, and he soon lost his cool, biting back at the peanut gallery "you're like a bunch of old ladies at a pie bake-off you are". Trying to hide the sensitive Star, Amir tried him as a spinner. Nari (Engineers) pushed Chuck's first ball for a single, and allowed The Sherriff to feast. The next 5 balls saw 3 6s and 2 4s, and Chuck was banished from the attack after just one 27 run over.
Later I chipped in 18, including hitting the Captain for 4 and then 6. Alex hit his first ball for 4. The Dream Team, 290 after 50.
Enough to contain the Big Guns of the All-Stars? Read Chuck's report on their innings.....
WOMBATS WALK THROUGH ADORE, EDGE CLOSER TO KCL SEMIS
vs ADORE (Fuji 2 -- August 8th, 2004)
by Alex Koolhof (AKA -- The Russian)
The Tokyo Wombats took another step forward towards a semi-final berth with a hard fought win over a persistant Adore in Fuji.
The usual run-of-the-mill smutty schoolboy talk dominated the in van conversations while Obaachans with fluoro green hair did their best to convince us nocturnals that we were on our way to the circus.
Clowning around however, would have to wait till nightfall, as a scorching hot day greeted both teams at the ground, however the ground itself was in not so hot condition. Pools of muddy water dotted the river end, our Japanese opponents leading a desperate attempt to mop up what water could be scooped up by the ever versatile gumboot. Where was a super-sopper when needed? More farming jocularity unfolded as a few wombats commandered the ride-on mower to perhaps rival Chucky's infamous circle work!
Captain Chuck won the toss and elected to bat, sending in 2 of his finest warriors to open the order, in Jarrad and Rich. Rich 'Tugga' Conway was hungry for runs, and this Fuji belter was gagging for it.
Shortly after start of play however, a superb diving catch at point off an uppish slash had the Tasmanian Wombat back in the burrow. Chuck Jones strode to the crease and put his head down, playing some rather nice shots, while his partner at the other end found it much harder going. Had Jarrad, the ever consistent performer and highly superstitious Perthite been jinxed by pre-match total reckonings from within his team? Jarrad dismissed for 15. Ginger Meggs look alike Andy Hall entered, but only to score one.
Shacksy was looking the goods, but only managed 6, while Rich Cosway continued his good form with the bat for a well deserved 21. 'Chunky' waved his cleaver around like a muslim butcher, only to be unluckily run out. Zulu and Dave had a tumultuos partnership, that saw Zulu thwacking the Wombats second six of the day. At the other end, the Doctor was keen as curry for runs, calling the Z-man through with boisterous shouts of 'Come-on!', somewhat resembling 'our Lleyton'. Zulu knocked up 14, Dave 5, and the Axe man chipped in with a few timely boundaries for his 14 nearing the end of the innings with myself adding 3 to the total of 155 off our alotted 40 overs.
Adore in reply offered little resistance until a fighting partnership between Brady and Yamada, scoring 32 and 29 respectively. Curly Gason and yours truly restricted Adore's scoring to a trickle, Curly unlucky not to have a wicket from only his second ball as a catch goes down in the slips. Apparantely, slips fielders need at least a few overs to be ready for catches off opening bowlers! I picked up 2 clean bowled, and Ian was rewarded for his efforts with a juggled catch behind the stumps between keeper and slip fieldsman. Another catch in the slips of myself to Chuck, and along came the Black Nikka. Bowling with good pace, Nikka snared 3 wickets, the first involving a Boon-esque dive from Tugga from short leg in belly-flopper fashion to take a great catch. 2 more victims fell to Nikka and a sharp run-out from that man Tugga again had Adore reeling at 8 for 42, perhaps facing a lowest ever KCL score drubbing. To their credit, they dug in and showed gutsy fighting spirit to take the score over 100. Wombats grew restless, occassionally glancing up at the setting sun, or the traffic jammed highway, all the while wondering at what hour would see us home? The last 2 breakthroughs finally came however as Shacksy tweaked out a tight 6 over spell, realizing a stumping with Dino who whipped off the bails in no time. The last wicket fell to Ian with a much deserved LBW scalp. Axe and Chunky also bowled well throughout the course of the innings.
A good result of course for the Wommies, however improvement needed in that crucial slump period that we so often end up in! Chuck took honours for Man of the Match with a fine knock of 42, and 2 catches. (Captaincy, as always was superb) A rousing rendition of 'Glorious, Victorious...', sung by all, was a fitting end to the days play. Thanks to Anton for the jolly good umpiring all day, to Jarrad for the pearler of a tent, to Ian for driving and to Adore Cricket Club for a match played in great spirit.
In true Wombat fashion, the return journey had its classic moments. Nikka couldn't handle his squid dreds and mayo, but he scoffed down his fair share of tim tams and twisties just for good measure! Tugga was tiring, the Doctor slipped away soon enough and Chucky joined him not too long after. Rich definitely put himself into contention for the Golden Thong award this year with a short but sweet conversation with Ruth out the window. Everyone else got to meet Ruth aswell - Barbecue flavoured hell-chunks spraying most members in the van, causing upmost confusion and mayhem. Rich's techno-coloured yawn has no doubt re-cemented his newly acquired nickname of 'Chunky'.
WOMBATS MASH BANGAS
vs Bangladesh Tigers (Koiwa -- July 24th, 2004)
by Daniel Anley (Aka -- ZULU)
The God of Cricket was smiling on the Saturday morning as the lads, bleary eyed and bushy tailed, made their appearances one by one at JR Koiwa to swap weekend action reports, trumpet imitations, Friday night footy scores and adult entertainment.
It was to be the first encounter with the Bangladeshis so there was curiosity and excitement in the air to mix with Nikka’s early morning bum rockets. More importantly though, the Wommies needed a victory to ensure a berth in the semi-finals, and not wanting to be vanquished again, the team to a man was keen to romp it in convincingly.
Burkey, aka Papa Smurf, was welcomed back into the fold, with a round of applause and handshakes after the birth of his daughter and the newest Wombat. Looking a little bleary eyed himself from his all-night vigils, Burkey was keen to get out there and get amongst it. Tugga was also back, this time sans coffee stains and security pillow, so once again we had managed to yield a strong side for the day.
Down at the ground, we were greeted by clear blue skies and a fresh gusterly off the river, which had Shacksey a little concerned during his preliminary pitch report. The Bangladeshi boys also had the Wommies a tad worried as it looked for a while that we’d be forced to play seven aside. Still, the numbers prevailed and after losing the toss, Captain Chuck was forced to send the boys out to the hot and sticky field to give the Banggas a batting lesson.
Curly and Nikka took the new four-piece, the field was set and it was game on. Now, for any of the unaccustomed readers out there, the Koiwa pitch is indeed an entity in itself. Any thing down the leg is automatically a wide，and with a stiff wind blowing from off, you know you’re gonna have to be tight as a fishes a/hole. The boys strived to find the spot, Curly doing so with Curly-esque accuracy. Nikka was not as lucky however, and despite a wheel barrow full of absolute peelers that had the openers wishing they’d worn their brown jocks, the Nikka was unlucky not to get a break. Mind you, all credit to the batsmen for occupying the crease as long as they did, despite an esky full of missed deliveries and dubious strokes that had the bowlers and in close fielders passing a variety of remarks about where for how much they could procure themselves a clue.
Despite Chucky’s words of warning, for a stint it seemed that the rumours of the Bangladeshi team’s non-competitiveness had made us slightly complacent. But after failing to dislodge the openers after 15 overs, and with the runs starting to come freely, the anxiety started to build and ‘equipoise’ bird flew the coup to be replaced by the ‘nervous tension’ buzzard. Emotions ran high as our efforts to crack the partnership failed to reap rewards, the exasperation abetted all the more by the batsmen’s unwillingness (or inability…) to play anything resembling sound stroke play bar sweep shots and leg glances.
Shacksey also had trouble making the openers dance as the batsmen stuck to their guns and managed to put a handful of balls past the cow-corner boundary. That’s not to say that he didn’t create chances, but when the ball was airborne it never quite managed to carry to a fielder. Richo had a crack as well but unfortunately his guts had other ideas.
Captain Chuck made what was to be an inspired decision to put Space, aka Auntie Mace, into the kitchen for a lesson on scone making. Before too long, the decision had paid off, the batsmen trying to pull Spacey on an uppish, offish ball only to be caught by the safe hands of Burkey in the slips (while all other interested parties were kept at bay by Smoker’s repeated shouts of ‘STEVES BALL’) with the score in the mid sixties for almost 20 overs.
All of a sudden, as is the beauty of cricket, it was like the Wommies constipation had been uncorked and a huge load had been dropped (and literally so after Dino’s quick trot to the rent-a-loo for a good session of porcelain punishment). The Wombat Juggernaut began to gain momentum. Earlier cries of frustration turned to what the Wommies do better than anyone else in the league: good ole’ (harmless) sledging. A handful of overs and scone analogies later and Space claimed his second victim: another catch, this time a top edge had Dino run out from behind ready to take out anyone that got in his way. But that wasn’t enough to satisfy ole Free Snake, and his tight spell of consistently straight bowling paid off, netting him 4 for 18 and leaving the Wommies in a commanding position because anything not going up the hill or into cow corner was not really going anywhere.
Axe Man aka X-Men was brought into the attack and, that’s right Chef, you picked it, the Tasmanian had another great day with the ball, claiming 4 wickets.
Curly, painfully accurate but as yet unrewarded bowling-wise, chipped in at mid-on with a fantastic piece of fielding: a quick pick up and direct hit solving the bickering batsmens’ troubles for them.
Smoker played an indirect although instrumental part in the next wicket, noticing that the partner of Curl’s run out victim had quietly returned to the non-strikers end, he called him on it, and sure enough, two balls later the Axe man sent in a Koiwa special to rearrange the furniture.
Richo was unlucky not to repeat the runout process with a sweet pick up and throw just centimeters from the sticks. (Although, in my book, not as sweet as his words of wisdom to the Bangas home-brewed Umpy on the ins and outs of calling a wide just because the batsman decides to rock off the back foot a good two feet outside leg stump).
Not long after, the batsmen belted a sky rocket towards the sun off one of Axe’s pills down to deep long on, where Curly, revved up from the whole team’s cries of ‘Cattcchit Curls!’, was so keen that he ran, no, sprinted, a good 15 metres past where the ball eventually landed. Not quite a Herschel but pretty mind boggling for the rest of us watching.
Curly was spared the cost of Axe’s beverage though when a few balls later, a sweet delivery gave Dino a chance to tally up another notch on his catch stats with a neat caught behind.
The Berkey soon made another entry into the stats in a big way with two more catches, one rocketing off the bat from Spacey’s delivery to be caught inches in front of his face, and yielding the first ever real slips catch in the history of Koiwa.
The next two batsmen for the Bangladeshis went against the grain when, contrary to their predecessors, proceeded to work the offside with a vengeance. Soon enough though, Ax struck again when the lingering opener tried to pull (surprise surprise) and poop-shot the ball high into the air to be claimed by the human rainbow Berkey at a shortish extra cover.
32 overs down and Curly was brought back into the attack. Yours truly was happy to help him get his first wicket of the day when the batsmen attempted to hammer one through point and I managed to take me nicest catch outside of the beach cricket arena.
Axe then went on to chop down the tail, assisted by Captain Chuck, coming in quickly to take a good, low catch at mid-wicket, thereby topping off his magic fielding on the boundary.
Overall, the Banngas had managed to score 153 of a little under 40 overs and the Wommies left the field in a pretty good spot.
After lunch, Richo and Dino made their way out to the middle for the showdown. A deafening appeal at Richo but a few balls into the inning had the Wombats feeling nervous, not so much for the chance of him being caught in front (coz there was none) but for fear that the Banngas planned to mimic their sub-continental neighbours’ habits of appealing for any bloody ball that got within a dog’s-bum sniff of the pads. Luckily, their home brewed Umpy (a player who found the time to don several other hats as square leg and on-field coach….at the same time) was replaced by Dave Davies who wasn’t ready to pay any wayward LB decisions.
Unluckily, and after a series of confident strokes, Rich didn’t get the chance to crack another top innings, as a short-pitched delivery managed to clip his glove on the way through to the keeper.
Burkey was up next and what followed was to be a cricketing lesson for all parties concerned. Together with Dino, the pair served up a bevy of cracking shots, well-placed singles, clever running and a six, care of Dino the ball before the drinks break. Before long, the records were dropping quicker than the limbs of a leper in a ceiling fan. All in all, the boys managed not only to garner the highest partnership for the league at 150ish runs, but also brought up their 50s in the same over. Great effort fellas.
With scores like that, and another fine knock by our good mate Johhny Extras, the boys pushed the team past the target for a scantily clad 22 overs, securing our spot in the finals and kicking off the start of a big night of partying for the Wommies.
The after match celebrations were topped off by a rowdy tabe & nomi hodai organized by Axe at a rooftop beer garden in Ginza. For the sake of any relatives or conservative parties reading this report, let me just say a good time was had by all (except the surrounding patrons) with a truck load of cold beer, lamb and laughs consumed, (and in the case of Space, brought back up…at five minute intervals…in fact the only thing not coming up for Space was his reg grundies or lack thereof as the female customers were treated to a side serving of pork sword to go with their lamb…).
Overall, the match was a good test for the Wommies and has no doubt added another coat of varnish to the super slick Wombats machine. Great effort blokes.
KEYSTONE WOMBATS BOTCH COMICAL FRIENDLY.
vs IECC (Koiwa - July 17th, 2004)
by Ian Gason
Some largely forgettable cricket, attempted unsuccesfully to obscure to unforgettable asides as an experimental Tokyo Wombats XI failed to haul in Indian Engineers' meagre 135, on a stinker at Koiwa.
Saturday cricket still hasn't caught on yet at Wombat-land, so it was really no surprise that we had no more than 5 of us leaving the station on time. Ax and Washington were still settling the tab at Club Claudia, and just like Sundays, Dinosaur was struggling with the unique Tokyo concept of traffic.
Smokin' Pete was struggling with the beer wagon, and Spacey had to pop round to Auntie Mavis' to borrow a hat.
Fortunately, The Indians seemed to be having simliar problems, so it was quite a surprise that we got going within 2 hours of the alleged start time.
TWCC welcomed back Washington, star of the Serendib run-out that wasn't, and Reg Dawson, finally having caught the right train from Shinjuku. Also, playing for his third club in as many weeks, Tokyo Bay's David Davis chose the wrong day to see how a real cricket club plays.
Indians went into bat, and the Wombats soon unleashed a barrage of sledges....on each other. Particularly harsh treatment was dished out to opening bowlers Andy Hall (Van Gogh, Leper, NIKKA, what Darren Lehmann said) and Jim Cole (Auntie Mavis, Spacey, Spicey, Porn-star). Perhaps shell shocked by Auntie Mavis' hat, Indians managed to lose an early wicket.
Abnormal programming was soon restored when Afro Jones brought Washington and Davis into the, um, attack?
Indians' got their over-priced scoreboard ticking over, and Afro had no choice but to move more and more of his pawns into the legside. Had the Indians connected a bit more, things would have been messy, but fortunately Davis managed to buy a wicket as Old Man Smoker in the deep didn't drop his second sitter for the day.
The Shinjuku Express came in for some harsh treatment from the Wombat sledgers, who engaged in some typically Aussie kiwi-baaaashing. "Bowl him some fush and chups, see if he'll bite thet" probably stands out as the worst of a bad lot. Despite or in spite of the sledging, Reggie was the pick of the bowlers, bowling straight and deserving of his 2 wuckets.
Jarrad came on and bowled like a true wicket keeper, before Afro Jones pressed his case for selection, by snagging 4 wickets with some flighty wobbly spinny thingies. Somewhere amongst all the sledging and funny hats and shaved legs, 10 wickets fell for 135 runs.
The sun was getting to Afro Jones, who, thinking he was Don Bradman on a sticky wicket, reversed the batting order. Hoping to give some under-done mugs their 15 minutes of fame was a noble idea, but we were unaware the new Club bat, The Big Malloo, was actually cursed. Within 2 overs it had the amazing stats of 2 wickets, 0 runs, from just ONE BALL!! First to go was Ax (diamond duck), run out after responding with all urgency of the Japanese public service, followed next ball by Curly who dragged one on for a golden. Dunno which is worse....
Auntie Mavis took 3 balls to see himself in, then one ball to see himself out. Herd menatlity - and I don't mean Jason- soon took over as Old Man Smoker joined the rush to beat the traffic. Wombats on the road to a spanking, 4/7.
Washington struggled gamely with The Curse Of The Big Malloo, as he and Reggie tried to right the over-turned Wombats juggernaut. A couple of cow corner boundaries weren't enough to break the curse, as The Malloo claimed victim #3, bowled. The Wombats' counter-attack centred on an old friend, Wides. The nonstrikers were given ample opportunity to sniff the umpires armpits, as he was soon flapping his wings like a seagull at the beach.
David Davis accumulated dots until he accumulated an edge to the keeper. Perhaps the shock of a ball landing on the pitch explains his di-orientation, as he signalled wide and marched down the pitch instead of off it.
Somewhere along the line we ended up with those two eagles fans, Jones and Shearer at the crease. Jones too feathered an edge to the keeper and joined the Wombats in the pavilion who were now very busily searching for a paddle to get us out of this creek. Zulu became the Big Malloo's 4th duck of the day, when he swung at a ball which was destined to be a wide til his bat may or may not have intervened on the way through to the keeper.
So here we are, 50 runs short with Jarrad and NIKKA at the crease, last man does NOT get his tucker. Smoker was on the phone to John The Bookie, who refused all bets on a run out, and was only prepared to offer $1.03 on an Indian victory. NIKKA's calling between the wickets verged on sledging, as the pair bitched at each other like a couple of old drag queens.
"COME on will you RUN! Run HARDER"
"Do you think you could call a bit louder, I've still got one ear drum left, Dino"
"There is NO way in the WORLD there is a run in that"
"Come on you fossil there was two in that"
"No, you're joking. you want me to give you the strike".
And they pushed the score past 100. Another soul stirring victory for The Wombats?
Rob Mann, having neither bowled or faced a ball, decided it was time for him to make a bigger contribution to the fiasco, and came out to square leg. Within a couple of balls, Rob had left his mark on the game, and the game had left its mark on Rob too.
A slower ball to NIKKA was swept square and hard. Very square, and recalling some his better moves from Club Claudia, Ax moved first left, then right, straight back into the path of the ball. The drag queens had thought there were some runs in it, and were part of the way down the pitch when The Knee of God sprang into action. After a mid pitch conference, the batsqueens decide to keep running. The only person on the field still not laughing picked up the ball, and the keeper did the rest. Grumpy, run out, got grumpy with Rob, and unleashed an M-sized bag of expletives at the poor bloke, and then proceeded to make a very valiant attempt at Bird's bat throwing record.
Smoker was soon back on the phone to John, muttering one of his favourite phrases," Any price a winner, right John?"
IECC Match report -- http://www.ieccjapan.com/reports.htm#TW-friendly
BLOOD, SWEAT AND TEARS AS WOMBATS WIN THRILLER
VS INDIA BLUE (4 July, 2004 -- Gunma Fire ground)
By Ian gason
In a remarkable day, on and off the pitch, TWCC took a step closer to Super 6 action in The Japan Gold Cup, with a nail-biting 2 wicket, 4 ball win over hard hitting India Blue, somewhere in, near, or beyond Gunma. Piloted by The Dinosaur's 95, the Wombats chased down 206 runs to move to 3 wins, 2 losses.
The morning after some excessive Trivia Night bonding, Wombats assembled at 'Baba at 8am to be greeted by the sight of Vice Captain (still smoking) Pete sleeping in the street. Which is better than Little Rich, who was still sleeping in Nishi Azabu. The early risers chowed on McChucks, and eventually Tugga appeared and I set the wheels in motion. Co-pilot and navigator Cap'n Chuck soon confessed he had no idea which road to take, and that he had lied his way into the front seat.
With The Angels pumping through the dinky stereo, Pete did his best to deprive the weary of sleep, before he too joined the rest in the land of ZZZZ. With one last call of 'UP THE GUTS' the navigator nodded off, leaving NIKKA as our last hope of getting to the right place. We needn't have worried. The Indians were on the blower to Dino, asking where the ground was, a question which 24 hours later, I'm still wondering.
Thanks to NIKKA, we did eventually arrive at The Dandilion Ground, to be greeted by the sight of, well, dandilions, and no cricketers. No matts, either. No umpire. Most of the ingredients for a succesful days cricket were conspicously absent, so as Dino described the '5 foot weeds' to someone else who had no idea, we concluded that it was back on the bus, back to 7-11, and off to Fireman Cricket Ground.
Up the guts, over the hill, and along some dirt tracks that had me reminiscing Crockie Dave's African Navigation Adventures, and what did we see? A 20 foot fibreglass dinosaur! This had to be the place! Alas, no Indians, no matts, no umpire. They were all amongst the Dandilions, now 6 foot tall, so we went and picked them up, removed all the furniture from the FCG and set up Mr Stinky's matts in the gravel/dirt square. Wisden has yet to respond to my inquiries, but I am confident that this is the first ever game of cricket played with a dunny ON the ground!
Wombats were asked to field, and THE Man, Rob Mann, Trivia Champion, soon had the break through as Dino snagged his first catch. Then another, and Indians' blue at 2fa bugger all. Bugger all was what the Wombats got for a long time, as our old Engineers' friend Ashok, had his wicked way with us (OK, me....). Luck was with the Indians as plenty of balls went in the air, but none to hand. Little Rich soon had some blood stains to go with the coffee stains on his whites after bravely attempting a diving catch in the square. At 2/115 at the 17 over drink break, Wombats looked to be in trouble.
A hangover defying fightback began in the 2nds session, as we summoned up all our reserves of energy. NIKKA's spell was as fiery as that garbage excuse for whiskey he is so fond of. Not content with imprinting KO
Statistics
