2010 Match Reports

WOMBATS GIVE KYTES THE FIST (14/11/2010)
by Phil Walker
>>>Match Scorecard vs Kytes
>>>Match Photos

The long drive from Tokyo to Shizuoka induced an early rise out of 10 wobbly Wombats Sunday past. In the aftermath of Chuck's farewell drinks, it was a motley cete who met in Harajuku with tired eyes and swirling heads, and with a few lads opting for the full Macca’s breaky the day's timetable was tested early.

Driver "Socrates" Al finally got us underway about 30 minutes late and with "Spitter" Shearer having received an unfortunate knock to the mouth the night before, and hence in a somber mood, the outbound leg of the journey was quiet enough; most catching some zzzs, admiring the view or trying to work out exactly what Jarrad said and did the night before. A stop to lighten the load as well as another to pick up lunch left us even further behind schedule; the result of which was the skipper's decision to reduce the match to a 30/30 contest.

After the long journey the scene upon arrival was more reminiscent of a weekend camping trip with a fire by the riverside and the mountains in the distance. The Kytes won the toss and elected to bat, and so in perfect conditions the Wombats found themselves out in field ready to rip into the unknown lineup that was Shizuoka. G.T. looked to Nick Goold to lead the charge with the new pill, and was immediately rewarded with Strepps searing through the opener's defenses with the first legitimate ball of the day. When Phil popped his wicket taking cherry by knocking over the pegs next over, the Kytes were in it early at 2/8 off 2.

Conservative minds would have expected the Kytes to shut up shop and at least see off the new ball, however they had other ideas and attacked with abandon. With the boundaries flowing, so too did the edges, chances, miss-hits and overly ambitious attempts. It was not long until the next breakthrough came when Strepps induced a pull shot that came off a glove down the leg side and was beautifully taken by stand in keeper Beathy (note to the umpire for a sporting decision). Strepps' spell done and Al bowling a tidy line, Ronny "Trigger" Parvez was introduced from the Paris end a few overs before drinks.

Dropping one short saw a decent six hit, but having lulled a complacent batsmen into a false sense of security, the next slog ended in some shaking hands on the cusp of the hill. Kytes 4/76 at drinks. The resumption was more of the same with Trigger producing the play of the day in his first over back, skidding one through the batsman's defenses and then replicating it next ball. With a hat-trick on the offering the boys crowded the bat only to see the delivery safely swiped through the field and out of the reach of waiting hands. No harm done though as Trigger took another 2 wickets in as many overs; Al taking a high ball at backward point for the first and then G.T. chasing hard for a catch at deep long on for the second. Kytes 8/99 after 21 and Ronny 5/26 off 6. Shacks chimed in with a wonderful titty catch from his own bowling and when the last man fell in his next over the innings was done and dusted. Shizuoka 123 all out.

Chasing is not always easy, however the Wombats went in for the kill by deciding on the opening pair of Al and Ross. Al declined the opportunity however, and so it was an in touch Rayos who went out to challenge the new ball. Rayos looked in sublime form from the outset and when he unleashed a textbook drive off his 3rd delivery the game looked as good as gone for the Kytes. Unfortunately he missed and another century was nipped in the bud, Luke out bowled for 1.

Nick strode out and proceeded to slam the ball straight, but after being the victim of a wrap on the pads and with umpire Trigger's life under threat in an extraordinary appeal, Nick was (rightly) on his way back to the fireside. G.T. was next man in and abruptly next man out. Surviving a "close" stumping appeal, GT swatted the next ball to deep backward square, only to find a strangely placed fieldsman (we think he was lost) who managed to take the catch. Three overs in and the Wombats were 3 for not many....

As is often the case for the Wombats, the cream rises to the top. Despite having watched the top order crumble around him and ably supported by Beathy, an unusually clear eyed Rosco proceeded to decimate the bowling. With the two big fellas reluctant to run between wickets, a mix of power strokes through cover, dandy dabs to third man and hoicks over mid wicket saw the Kytes' 2nd and 3rd string bowlers flayed to all parts and the deficit quickly overtaken. Man of the match Rosco ended on a fine 74* off 60 balls while the more passive Beethy had 24* from 38 and the Wombats were victorious at 3/124 from 18.

3pm and a hit and giggle game rejected by the lads saw us over to the local soba shop for some liquid refreshment and deep fried weeds. Despite their heavy loss a few of the Kytes stalwarts joined us and offered up undoubtedly the best hospitality of any of our rivals. The usual round of highlights saw the beers flow quickly and one-liners freely, and we were able to get off just in time to catch the worst of the traffic for the return leg. A slow trip punctuated with stops was made the easier with jinro and beers, and the antics of a celebrating Rosco keeping us all amused. All said and done, perhaps the most enjoyable days cricket for the year.

Quotes:

"G.T.? What am I?"
Al "Socrates" Koolhof has too much time to think between overs.

"Short cover mate"
G.T.'s philosophy is far simpler, and typically understated.

"Shizuoka has the best seafood in Japan, the largest crabs in the world, the 3rd highest GDP of all Japanese prefectures, produces 80% of wasabi, 46.2% of green tea and ranks highest in catch and consumption of 5 popular species of fish. You're uneducated Jarrad"
Kytes' manager Rainbow Robeir has some land to sell, just not to Jarrad. You forgot to mention Japan's highest mountain mate....

"Whhhirrr, clunk, whhhhhiirrrrr, clunk, brrrrooooooommmmmm"
G.T. finds second to chase down a great catch to give Rony his 5th.

"The Wombats need more gays"
Kytes' skipper Neil reflects on the Wombat team balance.

"Phil?!.. Where's Phil?!.. Have you seen Phil?!?.. Phillllllll!!!!!"
Rosco enlists the support of local shoppers in his quest to find his long lost mate and a much needed Taspo.

WOMBATS FALL PREY TO SHARK ATTACK (26/09/2010)
by Matt Stride
>>>Match Scorecard vs Sharks
>>>Match Photos

All assembled in the morning and ready to embark on the record chasing 5th straight JC1 final victory, that would go down as the one that got away, with smiles, anticipation and a few tales of the previous week's debauchery, memory gaps and UDIs (unidentified drinking injuries) with Zulu having been in town for a week leading to the grand final.

The bus trip mainly filled with discussion of the previous day's tied AFL grand final certainly set the tone for a historic occasion at the somewhat bare looking Sano 1 ground. Arrival saw the Chiba Ichihara sharks already present and raring to go for their opportunity to claim their first victory over the Wombats.

After set up and some preparations for after match celebration, ie. icing down the beers, Captain GT went out to the centre to win the toss and send in the Sharks. It was thought that if we could keep them to 230 we'd be a shot, anything under 200 and we were looking good. Laids and Nick 'Strepsils' Goold got the Wommies off to a good start with some tight pressure bowling and were unlucky early with a couple of chances going down. Laids had his competitive juices flowing giving plenty of lip and was duly rewarded with the first wicket, Nick skying one to yours truly in the 4th over. Pat Giles-Jones was next to the crease and looked fairly determined to right a few wrongs in taking out his first victory over the wombats. Down the other end however, Ashiq Hussain was out caught behind to Dino Shearer off a beautiful away moving delivery from Nick Gould three overs later.

Video camera set and ready to record a sublime, faultless innings, Prashant sauntered to the wicket only to be looking in all sorts trying to slog across the line from the outset. A couple of times too many had him hit one, a leading edge, in the air off Laids down Phil 'Big Red Johnny' Walker's throat and the Sharks looked in trouble at 3/30 after 10. Kumal was next in and he and Pat laid on a very solid partnership of 111 seeing off the opening bowlers as well as an over from BRJ Walker who somehow managed to pull both quads at the same time, B.G.A with little luck from a couple of decent overs and GT with his customary tight bowling, slowing the run rate.

Yours truly was introduced in the 30th over for a couple of unpredictable (read complete rubbish) overs which saw Pat nick one behind first ball which wasnt caught but called byes and the fortunate removal of Kumal for 54. A juicy wide full toss that was launched at and probably would have been sent into orbit had Beath not been standing in the way. No one was quite sure how he caught it but surgeons tell us it may still be lodged somewhere in Beathy's spleen.

Dave Lollback came in to accompany Pat and the pair looked solid moving the score along at a heightened pace for a 50 run partnership withstanding some bamboozling bowling from Rony, Ferris and a reintroduced skipper GT. GT Then broke through with the wicket of Pat caught behind for a hard fought half century (61). GT broke through again 3 balls later to remove Lollback for 25. Beathy was called on to bowl the last over and managed to score a direct hit run out and a wicket to leave the Sharks with 8/200 off their allotted 40 overs. Not a bad effort but something we felt we could chase down, despite our seeming lack of spring in the field.

After lunch the task was set. 201 for a memorable Wombats win. Able openers Beath and Shearer to go out and amply supported by what seemed like a long enough batting lineup. The openers set about their work in earnest fashion and were looking good until Shearer was given out caught behind off Pat for 8 in the 5th over to one he swears he missed by "at least a foot". The usual dummy spit ensued. Donkey Ferris was next to go out and accompany Beath who, like all year, looked in good touch. Ross played the support roll well for 4 or so overs looking to bat himself in until falling to Thurlow for 10.

Skipper knock needed, GT marched to the crease and looked as though he was eager to finish the job off early and smash some piss. These two pushed the score ahead at a brisk pace with some lovely shots all around the wicket. GT tried to put one a little too fine down leg side off the gloves but was given a reprieve only to see Shearer give plenty of lip from the embankment to the Sharks wicket keeper Chris who had put the Wombats captain down. It seems Shearer had yet to pick up his dummy telling Chris that "I would've caught that one". Unfortunately this invoked the commentator's curse and GT was dismissed the very next ball in the exact same circumstances. A somewhat amusing end to a finely put together 18 from GT.

Strepsils was next to the crease and he looked determined to keep pushing the Wombats score along. He and Beath were able to push on through drinks and move the score to 3/114. Wombats looking good. Unfortunately things started to go pear shaped and Nick was caught out for 22 in the 25th over. Stride to the wicket, perhaps not a recognised bat, but in his own mind capable of helping Beath take the Wommies to glory. Beath however, latched onto a loose one from Kamal and ended a fine season on 67.

At this point, 5/122 some of the heads started to drop but in such a commanding position, with Laids heading out to bat, we only needed one of the batsmen at the crease to stay for a while and we were still a shoe in. Well, Stride finally succeeded in running himself out the next over after unsuccessfully trying to do it three times previous and things started looking a little grimmer on the scoreboard, 6/129.

Next in though, was an unknown quantity and self proclaimed "star" of the T20 version of the game, Rony. If ever it was time to show those champion qualities, it was now. Which, Rony duly did, pushing the score along very briskly with Laids and daring the men on the sideline to dream of a victory which, when Gav fell, looked somewhat remote. Laidler fell in the 33rd over and needing 53 runs off 7 overs for victory, a sense of foreboding fell upon the Wombats as The Sharks were whipping themselves up into a feeding frenzy.

Walker went out to join Rony and hit easily the biggest 6 of the day. They tried hard to keep pushing the score along but with a rising required run rate and lack of wickets in hand the job was looking a bit much for the struggling Wommies. Rony fell stumped for a second to top score of 25. Walker (18) and Koolhof (1) were the not out batsmen in a valiant loss to a well fought victory by 20 runs to the Chiba Sharks.

The after match function saw the awarding of the man of the match to Pat Giles-Jones with a half century and 2 wickets. The Sharks produced a bottle of bubbly which seemed a little cheeky but in the end well deserved. The match over, it was time to hook into some of Koolhof's great bbq catering service sausage sizzle and the beers which were now cold enough to drink. Although they didnt taste as good as they would have had we taken the prize, the day was enjoyed nonetheless.

A slightly subdued (comparatively) bus ride home saw the Wommies, injured from their Shark attack, vow revenge for next year. Well done fellas, tough way to go down. Thanks to Shaxxy for being 12th man for the day and chief photographer. Also Hajime for a great fielding effort and bringing along supporters for the day.

WOMBATS SEND PADDY'S PACKING (04/09/2010
by Tim May
>>>Match Scorecard vs Predators
>>>Match Photos

Saturday September 4 marked the date of the Wombats semi-final showdown with the highly regarded Paddy Foleys team. The day stated bright and early at Harajuku, initially with the circulation of some worrying rumours that captain GT might be "out", but after clarification from Dino that he was in fact only out of balls (a different story) and the arrival of the man himself, all worries were alleviated.

Your typical Saturday morning getting-out-of-Tokyo snarl-up saw both teams delayed getting out to Sano and a subsequent reduction to a 35 over game. Most considered this a blessing and it was another stinker in the Sano sauner. The van ride itself was relatively uneventful with the dulcet tones of Rosco's nose trumpet being the highlight.

After GT chose to lose the toss, the first (of many) follies of Paddy was to put the Wommies in. Dino and Beathy opened up and saw off a testing new ball spell by Paddy's new ball bowlers who were getting it to hoop around a fair bit (albeit with Dino not walking for a bigger edge than the U2 guitarist). Both batsmen got into their work and saw the team through to 71 at a decent clip before Dino became the first man to fall, holing out to the cheeky little prick fielder who couldn't catch a cold on any other day.

The Wommies innings continued to push on with Beathy pacing things superbly and being ably supported by Nick in particular and later Laids further down the order. In the end Beathy performed the unthinkable and carried his bat through the innings in stifling heat, showing unshakable concentration and John Holmes-like stamina (including running a 3 while in the 80s), and mixing brute power with deft gayness (numerous gay paddles being particularly memorable). His 6 over wide long-off to bring up the hundred was probably the highlight though, as he finished with 113 and an asterisk off 93 balls. Top effort!

With a total of 8/231 set by the Bats, the team was feeling confident as Paddy's came out to bat. GT turned to himself to open things up with the new ball and it proved to be an inspired decision as he had the opener nicking Dino in the first over. Nick took the new ball from the other end and likewise had early success, cleaning up their highly touted first drop bat with a magnificent in-ducking yorker. By this time the team and the bowlers in particular really had their tails up and Paddy's began to crumble under some quality new ball bowling. GT and Nick bowled through their 7 overs straight with GT picking up 3 (eclipsing his run total) and Nick unlucky only to end up with one.

At 5/34 after about 6 overs (including an expertly taken runout by Al The Body Koolhof) the writing was looking to be on the wall for Paddy's but they were able to put together a respectable, if extremely lucky 60-odd partnership for the 7th wicket. One of the batsmen in particular decided that he would be quite vocal in the sledging stakes (always a stellar idea when you are 5 for f-all chasing 200 off 30 overs), which provided some comic relief to proceedings. It took the introduction of The Bod and the bowler-who-bats-a-bit Rosco to finish things off, with the last 5 wickets falling for two runs (Ross picking up 3, Al with 2). Paddys rolled for 97 and the Wombats romping to a 134 run victory and a ticket to the Granny!

With an earlier than planned finish Al was able to fire up the barbie nice and early and the victory celebrations followed including a top rendition of the victory song. The beers and sausages flowed for a fair amount of time, including one more well taken beer run by Dino, and by the time departure came around the lads were nice and fueled up for the ride home. Revelry and general obnoxiousness ensued in the back of the van with an all-in maul and a few head-high tackles being the highlight for the rugbyheads in the team. One has to mention Hajime, who came all the way out just to watch us field (an enticing prospect with gazelle-like specimens such as Al throwing themselves around, I know) and then had the "privilege" of riding in kiwi/jinro corner the whole way back to Harajuku.

After arriving back, the true hard men of the team (Beathy, Nick, Rosco and myself) continued into the 'Buya for discussions of politics and the finer things in life over 300 yen drinks and the general shenanigans of Nick throwing ice and picking fights. I am pretty sure the night ended at Hobgoblin with a few more rounds to celebrate a famous Wombats victory!

Well done lads. To the Granny we go!

YCAC CURSE STRIKES AGAIN (22/08/2010)
by Nick Goold

Sunday August 22 saw the Wombats play YCAC in a practice match at Yokohama on another sweltering summer's day. Taking the train down with Koolhof, Dino, Rayos and Beathy, we couldn't help noticing the rest of the train was dressed for the beach making a change of plans tempting. Arriving at the station we expected a large turnout given the midweek interest but for various reasons we started the game with the allotted 11 players.

Dino and Evan opened the innings after GT won the toss and elected to bat. The openers started well, and Evan despite his and other members of team's lack of confidence, displayed good technique. Evan was the first man to depart bowled after posting 17 and a 50 run opening partnership. Beathy then strode to the crease, a lot later than he expected and as usual looked confident from the outset. Just when Dino looked set for a hundred he was caught looking to up the run rate. Beathy fell to a very sharp caught and bowled chance just short of his 50. Nick started a bit shaky was lucky to be dropped on the boundary. Hajime displayed solid technique but fell victim to the late search for runs and selflessly tried to make it back for a tight two. Kyle then entered for the last couple of overs and hit a couple of lusty blows to end with 10. Nick was clean bowled off the final delivery for 35 looking to repeat the previous shot for six. The final total was 188 which seemed decent but as in past matches we knew the YCAC are masters at using their home ground to their advantage.

The lunch break extended longer than expected following a mix up with the large amount of hamburgers ordered from the Wombats and Sri Lankan members of the YCAC tucking into a couple of cheeky jugs of beer.

YCAC chase started poorly with their captain departing in the 2nd over giving the Wombats hope that we could break the YCAC curse once and for all. Unfortunatly their new members from the Sri Lankan Lions had other ideas and started to display their trademark cross bat ability taking advantage of the short square boundaries. Some friendly sledging managed to extract the 2nd opener with Dino taking another good catch behind the stumps. The removal of the opener saw his replacement continue in a similar manner much to our annoyance.

The match started to slip through our fingers with their top scorer skying a ball in the air only for 3 people to yell yours and land safely in the middle of them. Despite the bowlers best efforts their batsmen proved too good. There were some great attempts at the Herchelle Gibbs award including a sitter from Mr Ray in the covers, and then two in two balls off the bowling of GT, who nearly lost his calm exterior. The YCAC ended up getting the runs quite comfortably in the end as some of bowlers were on the receiving end of some very powerful hitting.

Following some friendly drinks and a team highlights session with the opposition we made our way back on the train. As with previous journeys home recently the train trip threatened to live up to wombats legend but luckily for our fellow travellers, there was more potential than reality. Despite this. Killer proved a hit teaching anyone willing to listen what a cricket bat is used for. There was also a beer throwing incident on the platform which saw the hasty arrival of a couple of green men praying for us to stop and move on. As usual it was enjoyable day out at YCAC and hopefully the practice will see us find some well needed form for the finals ahead.

WOMBATS PREY ON PITIFUL PREDATORS (15/08/2010)
by Evan Hitchman
>>>Match Scorecard vs Predators

Last Sunday the Wombats rose early (well those of us not still on the piss at 7am, mentioning no names but we enjoyed the guilt beers!) and made the long journey down to Shizuoka to take on cross-town rivals, the Predators. The trip down was uneventful enough with most doing their best to sober up from the previous evening's festivities and Rosco confirming his world class sleeping talents, snoring his way from Shinagawa to Fuji with consummate ease. The boys finally arrived down at Fuji to find an outfield that certainly wasn't lighting quick and was described by others as being "farking shithouse" and an "utter joke"! The discovery of the brand new, ride on mower in the Fuji Sheds by Laids was certainly ironic. It was in good nick and funnily enough looked like it had hardly been used!

Having won the toss in hot and sticky conditions, Captain for the day Beefy decided to put the Predators in with the view to getting a key win after the previous loss but more importantly finishing early so we could all have a few more beers after the hoped-for schelacking. Nick and Laids opened up for the Wommies and both bowled great spells, putting the Predators' openers under pressure, keeping it tight on the slow pitch and making them look quite ordinary more than often.

Nick got the first breakthrough, bowling the opener with a super delivery after a sustained period of pressure. Laids was unlucky at the other end, somehow going wicketless in his spell of 0-4 off 4 but the pressure showed at the other end as Nick bagged a well deserved second on his way to solid figures of 2-16 off 6.

After Laids had laid the platform from his end, our new Mexican immigrant, "Peres" (as the Predators somehow conjured from the name Ferris!) caused mayhem in the Predators line up with a tremendous spell of teasing bowling that had the batters wearing the brown pants in no time. Once the first wicket fell they just kept coming for the big fella and his smile was as wide as his sombrero as 1 became 2 and 2 became 3. Rosco Peres ended up taking a 5-for with new record figures for the Wombats of 5/16 off 8, knocking Curly off the perch which will no doubt give him the shits and have him looking up the scorecard for some missed sundries or miscalculation somewhere in there. Let's hope no one notices that we don't actually have a Mexican or a Peres registered for the Wommies at the moment!

Whatever the case it was a tremendous performance from Ross, even more so given he was breaking into an asthma attack after each ball after his strenuous 3 step run up became just too much! It was just as well that Rosco running amok from the River End, taking wickets and keeping it tight-as, at the other end Big Al was giving the umpires RSI with some Harmison–esque, less than straight deliveries! Those new toe shoes Al was sporting must be for grass only as although he was wayward on the pitch he was a devil in the field, cutting off some ripping drives that on the Fuji outfield were almost certain singles! Koolhof ended up with 0-23 off 6.

After Al's spell, newcomer Evan came on and managed an interesting double, taking his first wicket in his first over without even appealing and a few balls later being marched for dangerous bowling! A good catch from behind by Shearer and an appeal from somewhere at backward square leg saw the umpire give the Predators bat his marching orders to the bemusement of all and sundry. Unfortunately the good start went downhill as the sundry curse that Alex had left stayed on and with two loose full tosses, saw his brief but action-packed spell brought to an end with figures of 1-5 off 9 (balls that is!).

Evan's withdrawal saw Beefy step up to the plate and showed how it's done, finishing the innings with his second ball to end up with 1-0 leaving the Wombats to chase a paltry total of 68. Early beers definitely looked on the cards. Or so Kyal thought after disappearing at the start of the innings to go and buy his guilt beers to find the Wombats in all sorts of trouble at 5 down for not much. Burkey and Beefy opened up and most of the Wommies and the oppo presumably thought it was shut-the-gates with no one needed after that.

And how wrong they were! A decent spell of bowling from the opener who was skidding a few on and getting a bit of movement saw Burkey, Evan, Trent, Peres the Mexican and Farmer all go cheaply and have Beefy shaking his head as the scoreboard read 5-20 just as Kyal arrived with victory beers that would have to be put on ice for a few more overs. Jarred came in to steady the ship with Beef and did just that as they saw off all the Predators had and steadily knocked off the remaining runs with relative ease leaving Laids still padded up, unneeded again and having the shits!

A good win in the end, made a lot harder than it needed to be in true Wombats style with Jarred making 16 not out and Beefy a steady, unbeaten 28 despite the wickets falling around him. With the much needed victory sealed, the boys settled down for a few well-earned beers courtesy of Jarred and Kyal, which went down like a treat.

The trip home was a highlight of the day with all the boys on form and firing up (even Peres managed to stay awake!) and despite no one getting naked or throwing passengers' clothes out the door on this trip, we did manage to scare the locals and get the attention of the guards with a rousing rendition of the team song. A great day for all and a welcome win for the Wombats.

WOMBATS WILT TO WYVERNS IN HEATWAVE (01/08/2010)
by Luke Ray
>>>Match Scorecard vs Wyverns
>>>Match Photos

The day started well enough, no serious MIA's at time of departure, perhaps due to the skyrocketing number of family-minded/contraceptively-challenged Wombats with offspring, and therefore, (gulp!) responsibility:

"An inverse correlation is found to exist between the number of offspring and the ability/willingness/motivation/energy on the part of the parent to indulge in previously normal behavioral patterns, generally involving the consumption of inordinate amounts of alcohol and partaking in the shenanigans that invariably ensue." (C. Jones, S. Burke, R. France, M. Kelly et. al. 2010)

Though even prompt arrival at the meeting point, combined with the flourishing display of birdlife around Gakushuin University for Nubile Young Ladies of Superior Birth, was not enough to calm Captain Grumpy, who declared that anyone who has had children has in fact "died", thereby posing some interesting dilemmas for the continuation of the human race. A blunt yet poignant observation, one of many that have come from the big man, that highlights his obvious loneliness in the absence of many of his paternally-inclined teammates and verbal (and sometimes otherwise) sparring partners.

A solid driving effort by The Big Gay Russian Arm-Body (can I propose a motion that Al be given no more nicknames, at least for the rest of the season?), with a brief Conbini stop for Garigari Kuns, the best icy-pole in Asia, meant a relatively swift arrival at the ground, despite Dino's dogged insistence on sabotaging Al's efforts with repeated and gratuitous back-seat driving of a scale and intensity not seen since, well, the last time Dino was in the back seat.

And Jes*s F**k**g Chr*st Al**ghty, was it HOT! For the record, I didn't drop that Garigari Kun, it melted before I could get it from the packet to anywhere near my face'

(*At this point, dear reader, you may be growing slightly suspicious at the tendency of this report to dwell on subjects wholly unrelated to the game of cricket itself – a well-founded suspicion, and one that will inevitably lead to the more-or-less correct conclusion that there was little cricket played by the Wombats on the day that warrants written assignment to the annals of history'but I get ahead of myself, more of that later)

The ground was still being mowed when we arrived, which was, in my mind, definitely an argument for batting first (the outward concentric circles used by mower dude surely resulting in considerably longer boundaries in the second innings, no?) May I just say at this point, it was wonderful to see captain Beath adopting the coin-tossing traditions established by a certain previous captain (we lost the toss). In hindsight, it may have even been a type of homage by Beath to the late Captain Chucky (RIP). GT, our regular captain was getting married in Australia at the time the match was played. What does marriage equal Dino? An extended coma perhaps?

And now at last, on to the match:

The Wommies bowled well. The dangerous opener Chino was bowled for a 2nd ball quacker by Nick 'Russian chicks are scary' Goold. A. Koolhof, 2 for 15 off 6 overs, recovered well from Shearer's barrage of "Which part of turn right don"t you f***in" understand Koolhof!?" L. Ray, 2 for 19 off half as many overs. Tim "Chairman of the Board" May once again probably too good to get as many as he deserved, 1 for 14 off 6. Young Hajime chipped in and got his debut wicket in his debut match for the Wombats, finishing with 1/18. Shearer took 4 catches, including one laser beam that would've surely put and end to his back seat antics. It should've been five catches though. (Mate, if the batsman hits the ball and the ball hits you, it's a dropped chance, simple as that. The fact that you were about a metre from the batsman when he tried to hit the skin off it is neither here nor there in my opinion.) A good run out by R. France and J. Shearer gave a smidgen of respectability to a very average display in the field, with more balls hitting the grass than (insert smutty Chiang Mai sixes analogy here). Despite the holey fielding display, for the Wyverns only Junmei Hanada stood up to the Wombats attack with a smoothly constructed 28.

Wyverns: 160 all out in the 32nd over.

A "hord torsk" (Tony Grieg impressions, anyone?) under the blistering conditions was made to look easy by the openers, setting a base for the chase well, in the face of heat like mace that would melt the heatproof case off a space shuttle. The underspoken Beath and the overspoken Shearer compiling 70 for the first wicket, running a fair percentage of them, thanks to mower man forgetting to rake up the bloody grass cuttings. G. Beath a sweaty, ballsy (sweaty ballsy?) 48. J. Shearer 20 odd. Heat exhaustion all round.

Collapse (n.):

1. The act of falling down or inward, as from loss of supports.

2. An abrupt failure of function, strength, or health; a breakdown.

3. An abrupt loss of perceived value or of effect.

Allow me to add a number 4:

4. ALL OF THE ABOVE

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, despite the opposition generously gracing us with 30 runs in wides, the Wombats ignominiously (always wanted to use that word in a sentence) lost 10 wickets for the addition of 74 runs, Amego doing most of the damage taking 6 fa with his offies. His holiness the Rev. Reg deserves a mention with some nice straight hitting, while Hajime claimed another record to add to his sheet (first Japanese Wombat, youngest Wombat, first game, first wicket) being the first Wombat to shed tears for his team for failing to get us home under trying conditions. After top-edging a cross-batted catch to end the innings, his words will remain with me forever: "Shit! I'm a bloody baseball player"! I can see good things to come from this young lad.

The day ended nicely at least, with some sunset beers and a discussion on the benefits of naked jogging. The trip back was suitably subdued, the highlight being a KFC with no chicken (yes, readers, yes.) Kentucky F**k-all Chicken! No ducks would've been a better result, just ask Ryan France (RIP).

SHARKS EVADE HUNGRY WOMBATS IN WASHOUT (11/07/2010)
by Grant Turner
>>>Match Photos

TWCC looked forward to its 2nd competitive game of the season with a visit to Fuji to play good rivals, Chiba Sharks. After a lean couple of weeks of washouts, forfeits and lack of players, a full squad of 11 plus 1 reserve was picked and hopes were high that we'd get a game in to get 2010 season moving.

Alas it twas not to be, with the pain of a long trip to Fuji, greeted with a ground in reasonable condition, but the match cut-down in mid-stream by the onset of a Fuji downpour that put the pitch and ground out of condition, and the match marked down as a wash-out, no result.

Sadly and gladly for a few guys this resulted in a 'no stats' return on the game and the efforts, and they'll have to do it all again to make sure it counts.

The day started brightly for all with Streps in turning up in an outrageously yellow shirt, Pres Farmer coming straight from the bar to the van, and we also witnessed the most outrageous pair of thongs/slabs of rubber that adorned Rony's feet, certainly pitting him up against Al with footwear of the year.

Arriving at the ground, yours truly went out for the toss, taking out the lucky 10c piece for the occasion, the coin went up, Chris from the Sharks called tails, the coin fell arse-up, the Sharks chose to bowl and lucky 10c piece was duly dispatched into the Fuji long grass.

The Sharks came out pumped to rip through what looked like a slender Wombat batting lineup, but of course had to get through the beefcakes up front first in Beathy and Dino. Sadly for the Sharks, the long lay off between games had done nothing to diminish the Beathy and Dino touch as they duly set about tearing apart the Sharks attack.. The opening stand of 129 broken when Beathy fell trying to push the run rate further for a well compiled 52.

Dino and GT then started to look to set about building the target before Dino was bowled all ends up for 73, and finally giving a few other guys in the team a chance for a bat.

Pres Farmer came and went for a groggy 4 runs, then Nick came out, well practiced from his recent baseball exploits, and duly smashed one straight down the ground in a glorious off drive. However, forgetting he was now wielding the cricket willow not some baseball stick, sat back on his bat admiring his handy work, as GT ran down reminding him he has to run in this game – a certain 3 cut down to 1. Shortly after Streps then proceeded to try his arm at the bat-throwing caper as well, sending his bat circling through the air and Sharks mid-wicket scurrying for cover. Streps finally went for an action packed 17.

Richard came, conquered and thought 6 runs will do, departing to give his son Ben a chance to create his own Wombat history, with his first runs for the club, duly picked off with a neat tuck around to square leg off the opening bowler and one run in the book. Sadly by the end of the day, the rain duly washed away that record and the stats will show he needs to replicate again. We're sure the time will come again all too soon.

The Wombat innings finished with Phil copping a first ball golden in his first official dig for the club, perhaps setting the dubious record of being out first ball faced for the club. Luckily on this occasion the rain god also wiped this record and Phil shall live to redeem another day.

Wombats setting the target of 201 for 7 off their 40 overs, a score that was deemed a good target at the start of the day and felt would be enough on this ground today.

The Sharks innings started shakily, with the first drops of rain starting, and as it did, the first Sharks started departing. When the deluge finally hit, the Sharks were in deep trouble at 3-34 off 10 overs, Nick picking up 2 smart wickets with his seamers, and Koolhof 1 wicket helped with a beautiful slippers catch taken by Beathy, surely to rate up there in catch of the year, until the game got called and the stat doesn't count.

As the Fuji heavens opened, and the ground filled with water, surely this was ideal for the Sharks, right in their element, but the bleating cries of "its raining, its raining", coming from deep under the canopy saw the players scurry, and the game called.

This only now meant that Al could get his hands on the brand spanking new Wombat BBQ, christened today for the first time, as the lads enjoyed a post-game sanger sandwich huddled around the back of the van. Not quite the relaxing scene envisioned, but the food was good all the same.

After such a hollow end to a game of cricket, and the long haul back up the Tomei in the teeming rain, even the van ride back was a little subdued. The quiet reflection, wasn't broken until Strider pulled off the Tomei and Dino finally started piping up, Dino style, with his stream of Dino observational waffle. Strider pulled it in at Harajuku, beaut new esky still in one piece, safe in the knowledge this one is harder to break than those pesky foam numbers, and less clean up when he finishes. Definitely not one for the van ride stat books either....

SANO COP A WOMBAT WALLOPING (24/04/2010)
by Grant Turner
>>>Match Scorecard vs Sano
>>>Match Photos

The seasons may change but somethings remain the same as the Wombats travelled to Sano and proceeded to give Sano a free lesson on how to play good hard competitive cricket in a solid season opening effort.

With new club President, President Farmer taking over the reins of the club, and plenty of new talent joining the Wombats squad, things have started looking good for the Wombats future, and leading into the first game, President Farmer thought things were soo good he'll get in his end of season vacation at the same time as the first game of the year and was last heard lounging by the pool sipping Pina Colada's in some far flung resort.

Unperturbed, the boys gathered early on a fine, sunny Saturday morning at Mejiro for the trip to Sano. And then sat and waited while the changing of the Van master resulted in the Wombat transport arriving 20 mins after scheduled meeting time, giving just enough time for Rossco to actually seem to make it on time. The tension was quickly eased with a few recollections from the recent Changmai returnees.

The Wommies arrived at the ground to find it bone-dry after the recent rain and thankfully last year's thicket that claimed 5 lost balls in our last game had all been ripped up, but the barren rice field from last year was now covered in waste high scrub.

A quick welcome and ceremonial presentation to the new boys in the club, Phil Walker, Rony Parvej and Nick "Strepsils" Goold (a Changmai veteran before his first official Wommies game).

Toss of the coin, won by GT and the Sano boys were invited to show their form with the bat.

Strepsils and Laids were given the new ball duties, and Nick couldn't have had a better start, 2 wickets in the first over and the Wommies would have been thinking early trip back home. Sadly the Umpire saw it differently with his seat reserved on the late train home and the deafening appeals were turned down. Sano none for a few after the first few overs.

Up stepped Nick again, jack of this pussy-footing around and with 2 wickets in 2 balls set the Wombats rolling. Laids chimed in with another and Sano had slumped to 3-19 and impending chaos looming.

Al was introduced into the attack and his probing deliveries finally found their mark bowling Rizwan and allowing Al to unleash his new wicket celebration, a move he's been working on all off season, something resembling the dance of the mad-hatter. Young Terayama from Sano was then given a lesson in taking the quick single, trying to take a cheeky run on GT at mid-off who picked up and a direct hit saw the youngster trailing his bat back to the pavilion.

The Sano innings then started to pick up a bit of steam before Rossco took a nice little catch down at deep long off which then set off more controversy. The hypothetical argument started over where does the boundary start and stop. Most cricket officionados would say the rope that was laid down on the ground would be a good indicator, however some of the brains-trust in Sano think a bit different from the rest of us lay-men and proceeded to argue and analyse, including sending up to 4 representatives down to the boundary to inspect and report, that the boundary includes the grass connected and touching to the boundary including all associated and neighbouring grass interconnected and touching anywhere up to 1 metre or so away from the aforementioned rope, or as far as convenient to justify their thesis.

Anyway, the game moved on, Phil was introduced into the attack and subsequently introduced himself to the Sano skipper, who it appears really took a liking to him and just couldn't keep away from him, with the 2 meeting for a little love-tap in the middle of the pitch.

The Sano innings fell away towards the end and were all out for 138 in 35 overs, with Rony 'Can I bowl Spin?' Parvej picking up his first Wombats wicket with his medium-pacers, and wickets shared around with Laids 2-21 off 7, Nick 2-17 off 6, Al 2-23 off 7 and GT 2-12 off 6 getting amongst the spoils.

138 on this track may not seem a challenging task, and so thought Dino as he went for a Golden Duck 4th ball of the innings, 1st legitimate ball of the innings, to create his own new first, first Golden duck in Japan.

This bought Rossco and Beathy together to steady the ship, with the Sano bowlers just feeding Ross with some short ball fruit outside off, before Ross duly feasted and hoisted a glorious cut shot over the top and deep into the overgrown rice field for 6 bikkies.

Rossco eventually fell for a well compiled 24, bringing Chuck to the crease, maybe playing his last game from Wombats, but hopefully not so. After being introduced to the crease with the classic 'long way to come for a duck' sledge, Chuck then proceeded to demonstrate why its lucky Sano only had a short way to travel for a Wombat walloping. Chuck produced a sparkling innings of 69 not out from 48 balls, 9 x 4's and 3 brutal 6's showed why he's a valuable part of the Wombats lineup (that and the drinking shenanigans in the van trips back will be hard to replace).

Beathy played the anchor role sputtering along to 28 off 61 balls, before falling late in a decision from the umpire that was so quick it appeared he was actually appealing himself. Of course the betting slip in his back pocket with Shacks to score the winning runs at long odds may have inspired the decision, sadly for Shacks though he couldn't get enough willow on them to belt the final runs but finished on a solid and promising 0 not out.

The game was wrapped up in the 25th over, the points safely in the kitbag, and beer o'clock time beckoned. With the supplies duly dusted off at the ground, Chuck given the 'bottle of red' for his player of the day effort, and new boy, Phil picking up the play of the day, the wommies set off for KFC and the trip back to Tokes under the driving tutelage of GT, covering for Al so he could enjoy a few refreshments.

With Curls and Dino not controlling the Van, the green light was given for the Jinro jokers to unleash and unleash they tried. One bottle duly polished off before we'd even pulled out of the KFC in Sano and 2 more 2 litre monsters for the trip back ensured the boys were well lubricated and potential trouble ahead. Sadly maybe for some, the Saturday game at Sano meant little to no traffic, only one piss stop in the breakdown spot on the Tokyo Expressway, and the Wommies were back in Tokyo and sprawling out onto the pavement in Shinjuku within 90 minutes of leaving Sano, and still half an esky waiting to be drunk.

Great clubman, Kasun was given a rousing farewell before he headed off into the night, and a few remaining Wombats were left to polish off the last drinks, season 2010 off to a good start all round.

CHIANG MAI 6s 2010: GOOD JOB!
by Ian Gason

It's so much harder to write a tour report than a match report. Cricket makes up just a small part of each day's events; amnesia is part of the problem; and let's face it, it's far more interesting getting drunk than reading about it.

The fun began in Bangkok with Marty making a re-appearance in the city of angels, and quickly settling in for some serious team tactics discussions with Gavin and Jarrad. Me, Paul and Nick joined the team after some lost luggage and lost hotels, and a tour of the usual bars and cultural performances took place.

Marty ran into arch-friends Awali on his Chiang Mai flight, and you know how that ends. Maurice's curtailed speech at the Welcome Party was a welcome innovation, allowing us to concentrate on the free booze, catching up with friends, trying to remember people's names, free booze, meeting the team guide and more free booze.

Game number one on Sunday was v Irish Pub at 9am, and to ensure it was played on a level playing field, the first shot session of the tour began that night at Irish HQ, and continued until past 4 at the VW/JD bar. It ended with Florence (aka Jarrad) asleep at the table but steadfastly refusing to go home ("Nah, ish too early to go home..zzzzz"); Return of The Ewoks- spew on the thongs Part I; one Dingbat's first and last trip to Spicey's- he was never the same again.

The Dingbats were last to leave, so convinced we had won the important battle, the result of the actual cricket was not so important. On the pitch, we snatched defeat from the jaws of victory when Ross' first duck changed the equation from 20 off ten balls to 20 off 6, and our first fine session for 2010 got under way. It ended with our first case of passing out in public, behind the food stalls of all places!

Sunday evening saw Awali celebrate 10 years of touring Chiang Mai. The famously generous Bahraini's picked up the tab for 3 or 4 hours of drinking and eating at the Irish Pub for about 80 people.....79 if you discount the 70baht Kevin Beath had to pay for a Singha!

That's pretty much how the week continued: bars, drunk, hangover, cricket, lost, fine session, eating/cheating, bars, drunk, hangover. Pleasingly, the Porn Ping breakfast has been made edible, although Ross' daily attempts to order an omelette resulted in precisely zero omelettes arriving on his plate. Of course Porn Ping brekkies aren't about eating, more of a de-briefing session of the night before.

Next two games were v Divine Felons (lost) and Perth Postels (lost). The ins & outs of the Felons game are (like much of the week) forgotten, overshadowed by the howls of pain from Ross, who had taken a tumble in the bath tub and messed up his back/side/rib/gut. He did knock up 30 runs, but at a cost of an ambulance ride, and being demoted to wicket-keeper for the rest of the tour. The Perth game at 9am almost became a 5-a-side when neither side could muster 6 fit blokes. When Sixes legend Cat stumbled out of the elevator and fell into the bus, Ross scoffed some more pain-killers and game was on. We failed to defend whatever total we posted (duck #1 for me) as Cat somehow saw the ball and gay-dabbed Jarrad (Florence) away in the final over.

The preceeding fine session rocked a few boats, with Cat the first to to holler "watch under" and re-visit his breakfast. A few fellas were hot on his heels, and an unfortunate consequence of our 0-3 record meant we had to front up that arvo for a must win game.

From that point on we were a team re-born- or more like regurgitated. A win that day over Drifters (inc a controversial handling ball incident) lined us up Friday morning v.....the Zimbos! yes, Floggers and Robbers! More on that later.

Somewhere amongst all that alcohol and cricket, we ventured out to the hills to Flight Of The Gibbon with our lovely team guide Jan and her friendly friend Fah. After 3 years of procrastinating, a beaut day was had, getting right away from the cricket and city. One Dingbat had not so much fall off the wagon, more like taken 100kgs of plastic explosives and turned the wagon into a truck bomb. Maybe Chuck's famous and foolish words from years ago were ringing in his head, "I'm going to f**k up those Irish Pub bitches!" Despite hangovers, none of lost our lunch swinging in the trees (though one or two almost did in the bus) but it did put an end to Paul's comeback plans.

Wednesday second match threw a monumental spanner in Marty's works. Fines with Cat and a few drinks with Big Bob & co', a few fits of sleep, another game of cricket, and that was the end of Marty's Wednesday! Yep, Marty missed the Pig Picking Night, aka Yukata Night! The rest of us struggled out and enjoyed the feed and the band (OK, not all of us Jarrad....) and went to cow corner to show off our frocks. The weeks activities and that second game had knocked the wind out of most of us and the boys were as flat as last week's lemonade- it took Gavin until 11 to face a drink!

Was Thursday the Monster Guinness Show Down? Ross and Gavin giddy'up and go toe to toe and pint for pint, giving a whole heap of laughs for the rest of us.....though maybe not for the 6foot lady boy who abused us for 200m down Cow Corner Rd and threw a bag of rubbish at Florence! The night went down hill (from a reasonably down hill start) with one virgin saying we should go to "Sharkey's.....Spacey's....I mean Snakey's....." and ended up with one made-up Dingbat, and a certain Kiwi spilling shots at the Irish Pub. Throw a bit of Spiceys in there and we were fired up and ready for the Floggers!

Fortunately, the Floggers threw enough extras our way to allow us a defendable total, and with Florence Shearer's darts at the death, the bowlers held their own. Fortunately, the Floggers had get back to flogging tobacco (ie work) and the fine session was postponed til the evening. Fortunately again, we had landed in the Bowl (3rd of 5 divisions) which was the only division to NOT have an early semi final on Saturday. That was very fortunate.....

Because after posting and defending a good total v Southerners in the day's penultimate game (and therefore making the Bowl final) we had a the obligitory fine sesh with the boys from Bangkok. Most of the teams had begun leaving, except the die-hards such as the Irish, Southerners, Awali, us and....The Floggers.

Foolishly we ventured into their tent, the vodkas begun and seemed to never stop. They stopped for one Dingbat when he crawled under the sightscreen and passed out. (The same Dingbat, lets call him Jarrad, came unstuck by trying to take over the fine session from the wobbly fine masters) They continued for another Dingbat despite him being the second ewok that week to hurl on Ross' Cheech & Chongs! One Dingbat learnt (we hope) the hard way not to drop the C-bomb around women and children. All in all, it was just one big, long, messy fine session, the kind not seen every year.

Apparently we left the ground at 9, plans for a big team dinner now looking shabby. Things stayed messy back at the Porn Ping- technicolour yawns, full monty, tuk-tuk round the block, a mystery shopping trip, lost Dingbats. The amazing thing was that 4 of us still made it out! To the Irish Pub of all foolish places to head. Numbers had dwindled by 3 or 4, but one Dingbat- one who claims not to drink- was dribbling so badly by this stage he was unable to even drink water.

The next morning saw a serious of "what happened?" calls, lost bags and credit cards found, unknown piles of Kashmiri scarves discovered, a very silent Dingbat at breakfast, a mystery trip to the dentist- the perfect prep for a show-down v the youthful and talented Thai Thevada.

Getting 6 bodies on the pitch was an achievement in itself. Keeping Ross on the pitch all week was a credit to modern pharmacy. Finding everybody's kit proved impossible, and one of us had to play in a borrowed shirt. But 6 of us strode out to battle.

Ross' one attempt at running 2 was enough, so he belted 6s and 4s and retired (30+) as did Nick. Kevin Beath got ran out, and Dino/Jarrad/Florence/Grumpy and myself got us into the mid 70s, a score not beyond Thai's big hitting openers' reach.

Surprisingly our bowlers executed the plans- full and straight to deny them the cow-corner option- and kept them under 10/over. Aged and weary fielders allowed the Thai lads to run not just a four, but also a 5 all run- no overthrows, it just took Ross that long to struggle down to the boundary! When Dr Death Shearer came on to bowl the last over we had 40 in he bank, but as Mr Ray will testify, stranger things have happened in Chiang Mai!! Luckily they didn't and despite and HUUUGE six, and despite Marty's porous effort allowing four on the last ball we won the game and Bowl!!

Two if us had left before the closing party, which was mercifully brief, and we bid our driver and guide farewell as we headed off for one last round of the bars. As past tourists know, the week has usually caught up with us by Saturday, so it can be a flat night. Perhaps the highlight was a discussion on the merits of travelling with an i-phone.

PLAYER OF THE WEEK: Nick Goold, 80+ runs, twice retired, tight bowling. Needs to pull his weight in fines though.

MAN OF THE WEEK: Hard to go past Marty, but I'd say ROSS FERRIS for playing through the pain barrier all week, both on and off the pitch.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK: The Guiness sesh'? The mutant golf night? Marty's dancing? Jarrad's obnoxious Singaporean alter-ego? Winning something? Floggers' fines? Flight of the Gibbon? Take your pick.

CATCH OF THE WEEK: Looking back, it wasn't as hard as I made it look, and I'd have spilled it without Shearer's directions, but it was up in the air for a while and after a few awkward grabs, I held it

THEME OF THE WEEK: A world of pain.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: *details withheld to protect the innocent*

- OI! You! You're fat- move over!

- Oi! What kinda of f****ng place are you running here?!?

- It's like an inflated Sherrin.

- As the week goes on it gets harder to put a sentence together.

- Porn Ping, 100 Baht.

- This cricket stuff is really starting to get in the way of things.

- It's the blind leading the retarded.

So, thanks to all those that supported our fund-raisers and both of you who sent emails during the week.

Will 2011 be bigger and better? There is only one way to find out: BE THERE!! April 3rd to 10th.